On Being Trusted

As I was preparing to speak to you today, I was reminded of a story by Dr. Sam Kamalesan that I heard many years ago. It went like this:

 

A boy whom we shall call Peter, was walking down the street, fingering all the marbles that he had in his pocket, enjoying his day, when he came across his friend Mary. She was walking towards him with a chocolate bar in each hand, eating it and enjoying it. Peter started craving the chocolate. So he asked Mary for the chocolate. Mary replied, "What will you give me in return?" Peter had nothing except for the marbles in his pocket. Really wanting the chocolate, Peter jiggled his marbles and then said, "I'll give you all my marbles." Mary knew that the marbles meant a great deal to Peter and thought that even though she didn't really want them, it was a good deal as they were something that Peter really liked. So she said, "Okay. Give me all your marbles, I'll give you all the chocolate."

Peter put his hand in his pocket and felt around very carefully till he found that one marble, the old trusted one that was chipped and worn with use. Then he pushed it to the end and pulled all the rest of the marbles out and gave them to Mary. In return, she gave him her chocolates. As he walked away, eating the chocolate, a thought suddenly struck him. He turned back to her and said, "Hey, Mary! Did you give me all your chocolates?"

 

Trust begets trust and mistrust begets mistrust. When we are devious in some ways, we expect the same deviousness in other people's behavior. A small grocery store in the place where I grew up had a sign put up by the owner – WE TRUST IN GOD; REST STRICTLY IN CASH.

 

Trust is at such a premium today. As we look at all that is happening around, we begin to ask the question of people whom we would normally trust: "Are they trustworthy? Is the place where I work a trustworthy place? Are my colleagues trustworthy?"

 

Ken Blanchard did a study where research showed that almost 60% of individuals indicated that they had left an organization due to trust issues, citing lack of communication and dishonesty as key contributing factors.

 

I got an email from McKinsey and Company Insights and Publications that I have a subscription with, and there was an interview with Richard Edelman where he talks about how leaders must regain trust. He goes on to say, "Previously, most respected companies were the ones where if you asked the question – 'Do you have great operations?' and the answer was 'Yes', then the company could be trusted. Or, 'Do you have a great new product machine?' These were the things that really drove trust. But, since 2008, operations has actually moved down the list of importance. The new gold is actually in engagement and integrity." Engaging with the consumer, engaging with the customer, engaging with people outside.

 

He references PepsiCo's Indra Nooyi and says, "Her ability to treat employees well, to put value on a sustainable product array, to persuade people behind her to follow on this idea of 'better for you' foods and recasting the portfolio – not just soda and chips but oatmeal and other things. This is the new gold. CEO should now mean 'Chief Engagement Officer'. Somehow, there needs to be an engagement that happens, that allows for a platform of trust to be created."

 

He goes on to say, "Most companies are beginning to realize that there are four things that you can do to regain trust.

1.     Pay the taxes. Whatever needs to be paid, pay it.

2.     Do right by your employees.

3.     Run a responsible supply chain.

4.     Engage.

 

Are we trustworthy? Do people around us look at us and say, "This is an absolutely trustworthy person"?

 

George MacDonald says, "To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." We are not in organizations to be loved. We are there because we ought to earn respect and be able to accomplish the things that we have been picked and placed in that company for.

 

A search on Google Scholar indicates that books and journals that had to do with trust and organizational leadership numbered about a few hundred per annum in the 1960s. They jumped to low thousands in the 1070s. They approached the 10,000 mark in the 1990s. During the early years of this century, there are about 40,000 publications per year brought out that have to do with trust in organizations. As we look at this, we realize that the presence and role of trust in organizational life, including the exercise of leadership is so very important. In fact, I would say that trust is one of the foundational pillars of respect.

 

I have often quoted John Maxwell who says, "In the five levels of leadership, the ultimate level of leadership is where people follow you because you've earned their trust. They respect you not because of your title or position; they have respect for YOU."

 

So how do you regain trust? Ken Blanchard, in his article on Leadership, says, "There are four elements of trust – the ABCDs of trust.

1.     Able – demonstrating competence. Do you know how to get the job done? Do you know how to produce results? Do you have the skills to make things happen? When you have the ability, people can trust you.

2.     Believable – acting with integrity. You must have honesty in your dealings with people. You must treat people equitably.

3.     Connected – demonstrating care and concern for other people. You must have a connection with people, focus on people, be able to identify needs. It must be supported by good communication skills. Leaders need to openly share information about the organization and about themselves.

4.     Dependable – reliably following through on what the leaders say that they are going to do. we need to be accountable for all our actions.

 

So the question for us today is – are we trustworthy? Do people look at us and say, 'The life that you live, the decisions that you make, the behavior that you showcase makes me want to trust you'? Or are we holding on to our marbles and thinking that other people are doing the same? In the new norm that companies have today, it must come down to us. To create a culture of trust in an organization, it must begin with us. We must be trustworthy.

 

I love this quote from our Scriptures: God keeps us in perfect peace when our mind is on Him because that involves trusting Him. And He is trustworthy and therefore, we ought to be too.

 

Are we trustworthy in every area of our lives? Maybe today, if there are areas where we are not, we can make the change and become men and women who can be trusted completely. That's my prayer for us.

 

Let me pray with you. Almighty God, bless each one on this call. I pray that we would be men and women of trust and above all, that we could be trustworthy by trusting you and allowing you to work through us so that godly things begin to happen through us. And people get to know us as trustworthy individuals and our companies, the organizations that we work for will be trustworthy because of us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

 

•       "Richard Edelman on How Leaders Can Regain the Public's Trust." http://www.mckinsey.com/insights/leading_in_the_21st_century/Richard_Edelman_on_how_leaders_can_regain_the_publics_trust?cid=other-eml-alt-mip-mck-oth-1404

•       Data on increasing publications on trust: http://complexityandmanagement.wordpress.com/2012/11/23/trust-in-organisations/

•       George MacDonald quote: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_trust.html

•       Ken Blanchard, "Building Trust," http://www.kenblanchard.com/img/pub/Blanchard-Building-Trust.pdf

•       Bible quote: Isaiah 26:3-4

I'm Sorry I Goofed

Over the years I have come to realize that quite a few of you on the call are cricket enthusiasts (actually, who isn't in our country). Most of us, even if we are not into cricket, get drawn in by all the frenzy of IPL and so on. But, this last month, when the World Cup T20 final was being played and all of us were watching Yuvraj Singh struggle to get to his 10 or 11 runs, consuming about 21 balls in the process. That's about 10% of the number of balls bowled in a match. Yesterday, I looked at the scoreboard for MS Dhoni as he came in to bat and saw that in 15 balls, he had scored 32 and departed. I couldn't help going back to that T20 final and thinking of how many millions of collective hearts collapsed that day as Yuvraj Singh tried and tried to get the ball to the boundary, but couldn't even connect. I don't think anyone has any doubts about Yuvraj Singh's prowess as a batsman. Time and again he has proved that – he has scored 6 sixes in an over, something Stuart Broad will never forget. But one of the things that he said in the UAE recently caught my attention. He said, "The problem is people tend to forget what you've done earlier and they just criticize you without thinking."

 

As I reflected on that statement, I thought - I don't think that's true. I think all of us do remember Yuvraj Singh. Who can forget what he and Mohammad Kaif did in England at the NatWest final and subsequently at the World Final where he was pivotal and got the 'Man of the Series'. Nobody can ever forget that. Everybody knows what Yuvraj Singh is capable of doing. But I read an article that he wrote for The Times of India last week where he talked of the collective failure of the team, not once mentioning or saying that he was sorry that he had been so instrumental in single-handedly losing that match. Everyone knows that those 21 balls, with Kohli at the other end, were what lost the match. He could have used that blog to say, "I'm sorry. I tried to do my best, but it wasn't good enough. I hope you'll forget that." All he needed to do was to apologize and I think every person would have been quick to say, "Yuvraj, don't worry. We remember all your other exploits." But not having said that, kept that memory fresh in everybody else's minds. Instead he has lambasted people for forgetting what he has done.

 

Thinking about that whole incident, I thought that it really helps to say – I'm sorry! It really helps to admit to a mistake or having done something wrong. To just be able to acknowledge a mistake, helps people all around you to really respect you.

 

I was reading an article by Bob Whipple entitled "The Power of Admitting Mistakes". He says, "Let's suppose that I have gathered hundred leaders in a room and asked them to answer the following question: If you had made a mistake, which of the following two actions would have the greater chance of increasing the level of respect people have for you?

(A)   You call people together, admit your mistake, apologize, and ask people to help you correct the problem.

(B)   You try to avoid the issue, blame the problem on someone else, downplay the significance, pretend it did not happen, or otherwise attempt to weasel out of responsibility.

Given those two choices, I am confident that at least 99 out of the 100 leaders would say action (A) has a much greater probability of increasing respect. Yet, the irony is that when an error is subsequently made, roughly 80% of the same leaders choose action more consistent with choice (B). If you were to confront them and ask him why he chose (B) over (A), he would most likely say, 'I did not want to admit my mistake because I was afraid people would lose respect for me.' "

 

He points out that that was the very same reason why leaders chose choice (A) when asked the question earlier. He makes an interesting observation. He says, "Perhaps that's the difference between IQ and EQ. intellectually, they know the best route to improve trust, but emotionally they are not mature or confident enough to take the risk. Admitting an error has a positive impact on trust. As Warren Bennis says in Old Dogs; New Tricks, - All the successful leaders I've met have learned to embrace error and to learn from it."

 

How are you when it comes to admitting that you are wrong? Are you able to say, "Yes, I made a mistake"? Are you able to pull your team together and say, "Hey guys! I need to admit something. I'm sorry I made a mistake. I goofed and we've all paid for it but it was because of what I did"?

 

John C. Maxwell says, "A man/woman must be big enough to admit his/her mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them."

 

In an article that Amy Rees Anderson wrote for Forbes, she says, "Admitting you were wrong doesn't make you weak – it makes you awesome. It takes tremendous fortitude to utter the words 'I was wrong and I am sorry.' That's a great word – fortitude. It takes fortitude, it takes character; it takes strength and courage and resilience and grit and determination and guts to be able to say – I am sorry."

 

So often, we deal with people who are so bad at admitting mistakes or saying that they were wrong. Instead of earning respect, it actually shows up weakness and ineptness. You begin to lose trust. She later says, "The best employees in the organization recognize when mistakes have been made, and they also recognize when a manager is covering his own tracks. They ultimately lose respect, trust, and confidence in the manager, and more often than not, they will jump ship at the first opportunity that comes along to work in a better environment."

 

I think that the case is made that if you want to have a good working environment, then one must always be able to walk into a room and say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Will you forgive me? Let's see how we can collectively put our heads together and rectify this mistake and make sure that it doesn't happen again." In our organizations, we need to be able to be honest with others and with ourselves. It is so important to be able to admit mistakes. As we admit mistakes, we increase the trust and respect that people have for us. Ultimately, having their trust and their respect is what makes for a wonderful work environment.

 

So I encourage us, you and me, to look at our lives today and say, "Maybe there's something that we did wrong and we've just kept quiet about it." How about we bring that to the front burner today and deal with it. The more we hide those things, the more it just eats into us. It eats into our own sense of integrity and fair play. We cannot be who we need to be as leaders if we cannot honestly look at our own selves and admit our mistakes.

 

My hope and prayer for you and me today is that we would take a good look at ourselves, the lies, the decisions that we've made, and say, "Is there need to come clean on anything?" and then have the fortitude to be able to do so.

 

May I pray with you? Almighty God. Give us that sense of courage to be able to say to people around us – "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." Help us to be open with people. Help us to earn their trust and their respect. Help us to be better people because we are able to confront our mistakes and nothing is hidden that should be exposed. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.    

 

•       Bob Whipple, "The Power of admitting mistakes," http://www.leadergrow.com/articles/64-the-power-of-admitting-mistakes

•       Amy Rees Anderson, "Admitting You Were Wrong Doesn't Make You Weak--It Makes You Awesome!" http://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2013/05/01/admitting-you-were-wrong-doesnt-make-you-weak-it-makes-you-awesome/

•       John Maxwell quote: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/mistakes.html

Is That Me In The Mirror?

I keep coming back to an article that I read a couple of years ago by Clayton Christensen, who is a professor at Harvard Business School. The school itself talks about when members of the class of 2010 entered the school, they noted that the economy was strong and their post-graduation ambitions were limitless. Just a few weeks later, the economy went into a tailspin. They've spent the last two years trying to figure out what to do. That was the way 2010 – 2012 went for them. But what they did at the end of 2012 was to seek out Professor Christensen and ask him to address them. Interestingly, they didn't ask him to apply his principles to their career moves. They asked him to help them apply his principles to their personal lives. So he did!

 

In that talk, he asked them three questions. He said, "Here's what you need to be able to ask yourselves – three important questions that must have cogent answers.

·       First, how can I be sure that I'll be happy in my career? That is so important, the things we do really give us joy. We are motivated by it.

·       Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness? How can I be sure that the things I do at work contribute to the joy and happiness of my own family situations?

·       Third, how can I be sure I'll stay out of jail? There was a stunned response but though the question seemed lighthearted, it's not. In my class of 32 Rhodes scholars, 2 spent time in jail. Jeff Skilling of Enron fame was a classmate of mine at HBS." It was his observation that got me. He said, "These were good guys – but something in their lives sent them off in the wrong direction."

 

I thought, more often than not, we never start out saying, "I want to do this badly or I'm going down a path that I shouldn't be." It's very subtle. I remember reading a book titled "The Man In The Mirror" by Patrick Morley. He says, "Every now and then, we need to take a good hard look at ourselves. Look in the mirror. Look at our faces and ask the question, "Am I who I'm supposed to be?"

 

Robert Kaplan wrote an article "What to Ask the Person in the Mirror?" Among a whole set of 8 or 9 questions, one of the things he says, "Are you staying true to yourself?" he looked at various fields within that and I thought that those might be interesting. He put down those fields and I'm going to go over them with broad brushstrokes.

1.     Is my leadership style comfortable? Does it reflect who I truly am? Maybe this morning you are saying that you don't know what your leadership style is. Daniel Goldman in his book "Primal Leadership" talks of the different styles of leadership.

·        Visionary style: used when the organization needs direction. Visionary leaders articulate where a group is going, but not how it will get there, setting people free to innovate, experiment and take calculated risks. Are you a visionary leader?

·       Coaching style: you develop individuals around you, showing them how to improve their performance. The downside to being a coaching leader is that it can be perceived as micromanaging an employee and may undermine their confidence.

·       Affiliative style: you place the importance on teamwork, creating harmony in a group, connecting people. But again, if this is skewed, it can allow for average mediocre performance because people begin to think – this is not my job; everyone needs to do it.

·       Democratic style: you get all the people's knowledge and skills and create a group commitment to the resulting goals. This can be disastrous in times of crisis when you really need to pick up the gauntlet and say, "Here's what needs to be done."

·       Pace-setting style: you set high standards for performance. But if you are obsessive about it, it can undercut morale and make people feel as if they are failing.

·       Commanding/Military style: this rarely involves praise and frequently employs criticism.

 

As you look at these leadership styles, we float through different styles at different times in our loves. But sometimes, unconsciously, we settle on one that can, in some way, begin to say, "This is not really who I am. I really am not this kind of person but I've become that kind." Maybe it's time to ask the question, "Do I need to stay there? Is it time to change my leadership style?"

 

2.     Do I assert myself sufficiently? Or have I become tentative? Sometimes, life has a way of doing that to us. We become tentative, not confident. Then people who are more assertive than us begin to take the ground that we used to have. I always tell people, "Be sure that you create your boundaries, because if you don't mark your boundaries, others will mark it for you. Taking back ground is always the harder option." Have you lost that assertive edge that you used to have? Have you become tentative?

 

3.     Am I too politically correct? We can sometimes be politically correct to the point where we forget there are right and wrong things. I like what Tracy McGrady says, "People are so scared to voice who they are. They want to be politically correct – just scared to see what other people's perceptions are." Sometimes, we have become so politically correct that we've forgotten who we are and what we stand for. Russell Ballard says, "It may not always be easy or politically correct to stand for truth and right, but it is the right thing to do."

 

4.     Does worry about my next promotion or bonus cause me to pull punches or hesitate to express my views? Are you more worried about than being able to do what is right and to express those things that you know are who you are?

 

We all need that reality check, to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, "What do I see? Am I seeing the person I used to be, somebody who was confident, kind, able to lead, assertive?" Or when you look at the mirror, you say, "I've changed a fair bit. This is not who I used to be a few years ago." I wonder this morning, as you look in the mirror, you say, "Maybe I need to make a few changes. Maybe I need to take a good hard look at my life today and ask – am I who I am meant to be?"

 

Friends, God made us all uniquely different. There is no other 'you' in this world and that's the kind of 'you' that will bring change in this world, that can be happy and content in all that you do. Sometimes the world has a way of making us fit into it's mold. Maybe today is the time to break out of it and say, "No! I will not allow that to happen. I will be the kind of person that God has created me to be." Maybe it's time to take a good hard look at the mirror and then have the courage and the conviction to make those changes. May God help you and bless you as you try to do that.

 

Allow me to pray with you. Almighty God. To each of us give wisdom to be able to do what we need to do, to be who we ought to be. Help us to see whether there are changes that have happened in our lives that we are not aware of and that we somehow need to take stock of. Help us Master, to see ourselves through your eyes and then help us to do what it takes to become those kinds of persons once again. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. 

 

•       Clayton Christensen, "How Will You Measure Your Life?" http://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life/ar/1

•       Robert S. Kaplan, "What to Ask the Person in the Mirror." http://hbr.org/2007/01/what-to-ask-the-person-in-the-mirror/ar/1

•       "Leadership Styles" Adapted from "The Wall Street Journal Guide to Management" by Alan Murray, published by Harper Business. http://guides.wsj.com/management/developing-a-leadership-style/how-to-develop-a-leadership-style/

•       Quotes by: Tracy McGrady & M. Russell Ballard