by Dr. Cecil Clements (6th March 2012)
Every time I come into Thane, which for you non-Mumbaiites is a suburb of Mumbai, I pass a hospital which is shut down. It used to be a flourishing hospital owned by the Singhanias. But at one point, there was some politico who died there and riots took place and his people went and thrashed the hospital. The Singhanias then shut it down. Now it stands as a relic or a reminder of what anger and its destructive qualities can do. Because of the anger of some people, so many people got affected.
So this morning, I want to share some thoughts on anger with you.
Winston Churchill said, “A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.”
The Greek philosopher, Aristotle, gave another perspective on that when he said, “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.”
That is a profound statement. Getting angry and just giving vent to feelings is not difficult; anyone can give in to that. But to be angry with the right person at the right time for the right purpose in the right way – that’s a difficult thing.
I spoke about anger many talks ago and how it affected the work place. Today I want to deal with anger from a different perspective because anger is something that is an issue in the work place. You deal with it every day in different forms because we always deal with the manifestations of anger or the behavior that comes out of anger.
An article in The Hindu a couple of years ago entitled ‘Dealing with Anger in the Workplace’ said, “Anger comes up sometimes when your computer simply refuses to boot up or an unknown virus has corrupted some of your precious files. Or it could even be as routine as a colleague trying to offload some of her work on you; smiling sweetly and you are convinced, being quite selfish.”
The writer, psychotherapist Sunanda Murthy says, “Anger in the workplace can affect both you and those working with you and needs to be dealt with quickly.” The article goes on to say that, “However, the first people to suffer with anger is ourselves. Anger raises the blood pressure, makes the heart go faster, you break out into a sweat, etc and it all affects us.”
Management consultant K. Mathurangan says, “Half the people I refer for psychiatric or medical help are persons prone to frequent fits of anger.”
So how do we handle anger especially in the workplace? What place does anger have and more importantly, is it well channeled? To get angry is really a normal reaction. It’s a reaction that has been placed in our DNA. But the destructive part of anger is the behavior that results from that emotion.
I don’t want to talk to you today about the behavioral patterns that come out of anger which can be destructive. I want to talk to you about an anger that is turned inwards. This is not an anger that leads to an outburst by you immediately on provocation. This is the anger that settles in and remains within you and causes corrosion within your own body – Implosive Anger.
Implosive anger is internalized anger that is hardly ever or even never expressed. How is it sparked? It is sparked by confrontation. You are not willing to confront a person. You are not sure that you can come out of that confrontation well. Or it may even be a belief that expressing anger is wrong.
So how do you recognize it? People deny that they are angry and they respond by withdrawing and saying things like, “You know, I am not angry." I’m just disappointed.” The results are equally debilitating. Psychological and physiological stress, acrimonious behavior – all of these things that are results of implosive anger, lead to resentment, bitterness, hatred and then maybe ultimately, violence. So while implosive anger will work within us, we need to be very careful that at some point, we are able to express and process this anger in a healthy manner.
What would be the 3 characteristics of implosive anger?
George Valliant, a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist and Director of Adult Development says, “Individuals who learn how to express their anger while avoiding the implosive and self-destructive consequences of unbridled fury, have achieved something incredibly powerful in terms of overall emotional growth and mental health.” It’s directly proportional to good emotional and mental health.
How you express your anger, whether it’s explosive or holding it down and having a good avenue, a positive avenue to let it out?
In the Bible, in the book of Ephesians, it says, “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
“Anger resides in the lap of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) The key word here is ‘resides’. It resides, it stays and it shouldn’t.
So how do you defuse implosive anger?
Every time I come into Thane, which for you non-Mumbaiites is a suburb of Mumbai, I pass a hospital which is shut down. It used to be a flourishing hospital owned by the Singhanias. But at one point, there was some politico who died there and riots took place and his people went and thrashed the hospital. The Singhanias then shut it down. Now it stands as a relic or a reminder of what anger and its destructive qualities can do. Because of the anger of some people, so many people got affected.
So this morning, I want to share some thoughts on anger with you.
Winston Churchill said, “A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.”
The Greek philosopher, Aristotle, gave another perspective on that when he said, “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.”
That is a profound statement. Getting angry and just giving vent to feelings is not difficult; anyone can give in to that. But to be angry with the right person at the right time for the right purpose in the right way – that’s a difficult thing.
I spoke about anger many talks ago and how it affected the work place. Today I want to deal with anger from a different perspective because anger is something that is an issue in the work place. You deal with it every day in different forms because we always deal with the manifestations of anger or the behavior that comes out of anger.
An article in The Hindu a couple of years ago entitled ‘Dealing with Anger in the Workplace’ said, “Anger comes up sometimes when your computer simply refuses to boot up or an unknown virus has corrupted some of your precious files. Or it could even be as routine as a colleague trying to offload some of her work on you; smiling sweetly and you are convinced, being quite selfish.”
The writer, psychotherapist Sunanda Murthy says, “Anger in the workplace can affect both you and those working with you and needs to be dealt with quickly.” The article goes on to say that, “However, the first people to suffer with anger is ourselves. Anger raises the blood pressure, makes the heart go faster, you break out into a sweat, etc and it all affects us.”
Management consultant K. Mathurangan says, “Half the people I refer for psychiatric or medical help are persons prone to frequent fits of anger.”
So how do we handle anger especially in the workplace? What place does anger have and more importantly, is it well channeled? To get angry is really a normal reaction. It’s a reaction that has been placed in our DNA. But the destructive part of anger is the behavior that results from that emotion.
I don’t want to talk to you today about the behavioral patterns that come out of anger which can be destructive. I want to talk to you about an anger that is turned inwards. This is not an anger that leads to an outburst by you immediately on provocation. This is the anger that settles in and remains within you and causes corrosion within your own body – Implosive Anger.
Implosive anger is internalized anger that is hardly ever or even never expressed. How is it sparked? It is sparked by confrontation. You are not willing to confront a person. You are not sure that you can come out of that confrontation well. Or it may even be a belief that expressing anger is wrong.
So how do you recognize it? People deny that they are angry and they respond by withdrawing and saying things like, “You know, I am not angry." I’m just disappointed.” The results are equally debilitating. Psychological and physiological stress, acrimonious behavior – all of these things that are results of implosive anger, lead to resentment, bitterness, hatred and then maybe ultimately, violence. So while implosive anger will work within us, we need to be very careful that at some point, we are able to express and process this anger in a healthy manner.
What would be the 3 characteristics of implosive anger?
- Denial: You don’t accept it. You say, ‘I am not angry; I’m just frustrated or upset or disappointed.’ Or ‘I just don’t like it when people do me wrong’. This doesn’t in any way make anger go away. Internalized anger, whether you admit it or not, will always have destructive effects on your body and the psyche of the angry individuals. Anger will grow until denial is no longer possible. What happens then is that the anger works itself out on softer targets. You can’t confront somebody in your workplace, so maybe you’ll take the anger somewhere else to somebody who will not have as much authority and you use it against them.
- Withdrawal: While admitting anger to themselves and others, you withdraw from the person or situation that stirred up the anger. what you say is this, ‘If I can stay away from this person, or at least not talk to him when I am with him, then perhaps my anger will diminish over time.’ the idea here is not denial, it’s distance. This is the kind of silent treatment that for some people may last a day or so, while for others it may last many years. We withdraw from people and avoid them. But the longer it lasts, you can be most certain that bitterness and resentment will grow and fester. The result of withdrawal is often passive-aggressive behavior. The person will not come out openly and say, ‘No, I won’t do this’, but when an assignment is given, they will quietly go past the limits or the timetable set for it or just not hear the other person when they talk, resulting in this kind of passive-aggressive behavior. You have probably already seen this in your spheres of work.
- Brooding: this is when you play the events of the wrongdoing over and over in your mind like a video tape. And however the tape is being played, it is being played only in your head; it doesn’t get processed. When you brood, you just keep on saying to yourself, ‘You know, every dog has its day. Look at the way I’m being treated. I’ve slogged in this company for so long. One day they will recognize my work. One day everything will be normal.’ We keep on running this tape over and over.
George Valliant, a Harvard Medical School psychiatrist and Director of Adult Development says, “Individuals who learn how to express their anger while avoiding the implosive and self-destructive consequences of unbridled fury, have achieved something incredibly powerful in terms of overall emotional growth and mental health.” It’s directly proportional to good emotional and mental health.
How you express your anger, whether it’s explosive or holding it down and having a good avenue, a positive avenue to let it out?
In the Bible, in the book of Ephesians, it says, “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
“Anger resides in the lap of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) The key word here is ‘resides’. It resides, it stays and it shouldn’t.
So how do you defuse implosive anger?
- Admit it. Admit the tendency because that’s the key thing. Look at yourself and say, ‘I do have implosive anger. I tend to keep it within myself.’
- Reveal it to a trusted friend or family member and seek help for it.
Most of my thoughts today come from Gary Chapman’s book ‘Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way’. I hope and pray that each one of us on this call will be able to handle this emotion. Whether it’s explosive or implosive, both have consequences. To be able to deal with it well, will lead to a healthy life and a better work environment in your office space. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.
God Bless Us All.
God Bless Us All.
Resources
- Video Interview of Gary Chapman - Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
- The Hindu - Dealing with Anger in the Workplace
- George Valliant - Profile and List of Publications
- Other quotes on anger
- Information on the Book of Ephesians from Wikipedia
- Information on the Book of Ecclesiastes from Wikipedia
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