For Goodness' Sake

My talk today had its genesis quite a few weeks back when I was on a journey. It was supposed to be for an hour and a half, so I settled back and let my thoughts wander. A couple of guys just behind me started talking quite loudly, and I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. It turned out to be a fascinating conversation between the younger guy who was probably in his early 20s and the older person who was probably in his late 50s. He asked the younger guy what he was doing who then replied that he had joined the army and was serving and had served in a couple of places. It turned out that the older gentleman also had served and he told him about where he had served and the two began to talk. It was fascinating because the older gentleman probed the younger guy to find out a little bit about his background. It transpired that the younger guy had been abandoned as a child, had a brother whom he talked about a lot and how both of them had navigated their early days in different foster homes. Finally he had joined the army and decided that he would serve and get an education as well. It would enable him to get a job when he left.

Don't Jump To Conclusions

I wonder how many of you have been in a position where you've had occasion to change your mind about somebody because of the way they behaved one day. Often, we have relationships with people and we believe that they are good, they are worth cultivating as friends or colleagues or people that you can trust and depend on. Then, one day, suddenly their behavior changes and you make an imaginary tick mark against their name and say, "I've got to be careful with this person. This person isn't exactly who I thought he/she was. There's something different about them that they've kept quiet about until now. The danger of that is that from that point on, we begin to view them through different lenses.

It begs the question: is that something right? Are we doing the right thing in changing our understanding of that person, that, till this point, we had based on their character, references and so on? These things are so important even when hiring people. Character is so important. People ask for character references – skills are taken into consideration but then finally the character reference is required. We place so much weight on that and then one day, something happens that allows us to change our perception of the character.

It made me think of that for a while as I was leafing through a book that I picked up some time back called 'The Tipping Point.' In it, Malcolm Gladwell talks about this particular aspect, that context plays a large role in determining how people behave. Sometimes we don't give them enough leeway. What do I mean by that? Let me illustrate by using an example that he gives.

You've Got To 'Give' A Little

I came across a blog by a lady called LeAnn, writing about a jockey called Kent Desormeaux, who was riding a horse called Big Brown. The stakes were high; everybody expected him to win this race. All of a sudden, midway, the jockey came to realize that there was something wrong with his horse. He looked at the finish line, which was not very far, but realized that if he pushed the horse, it could be detrimental to the health of the horse. So he decided to pull out of the race. Every one was shattered as the bets had be high, there was a lot riding on this horse coming first, including his own career and reputation. But, he made the call in the best interest of the horse.

The writer of the blog said, "Wouldn't it be great if we all had someone like that, someone who was in tune with us, enough to know when we don't have it in us anymore, or aren't able to compete or complete what everyone expects from us? Or just know that today is not our day and pull us out? That's a nice thought! Sometimes our lives are so filled with the things that we do, and we have so many things going on, so many balls in the air that life is just one buzz from one thing to another. We have no idea whether we can step aside, thinking that one of those balls is going to fall and we'll miss it. Sometimes we need people in our lives that are able to say, "You need to stop doing what you are doing. You need to take a breath of fresh air. You need to let go of some things that are taking away too much of your time and effort, increasing your stress level," and just be able to step away.

I FEEL FOR YOU

by Dr. Cecil Clements (21st August 2012)

For those of you who are from Mumbai and have been here for some time, you may remember that in the early 80s, there used to be a festival that happened annually called the Jazz Yatra. This festival held at the Rang Bhavan, drew jazz artists from all over the world. Over 2 or 3 days, they would meet and have a wonderful time of jazz music. In 1980, they decided to put together a 100-boys chorus and I was privileged to be a part of that. We had a wonderful conductor who not only got us to sing well, but also brought us into one unit. The way in which he connected with us was amazing. Years later, reminiscing about that event, I remember saying to someone, “We would have done anything or followed him anywhere.” That was the extent of the connection that he made with us in the span of the 4 or 5 days that we practiced for the event.