Trying to think about what to speak today, a couple of pictures came to mind. I decided to pursue them and see where they were going and I’m going to share that journey with you today. Part of what I do enables me to meet quite a few people, interacting and watching them. The last week or so, I came across a couple of people who looked visibly tired. I was surprised because this was the beginning of the day and we are fresh into a New Tear. It made me curious. They seemed to be enveloped with a sense of discouragement and sadness and other emotions.
I was talking to another friend of mind who came into my office and in the course of the conversation, he said, “I met so and so and he looked so whipped.” I’ve been thinking about that word ‘whipped’ and it seemed to personify someone who didn’t have anything to live for; like he’d taken a beating in life. I thought that sometimes we are enveloped by emotions that, whether we like it or not, seem to come over us and they dictate the way we look at the world after that.
I don’t know if you’ve been there, but there have been times when suddenly a sense of sadness comes over me and I’m not able to put my finger on the cause. That sadness then colors the other things that I enter into. Or it could be a sense of fear or discouragement or something like that. I then wondered about each one of you in this group and whether these kinds of emotions come upon you? Are you able to handle them or do they overtake you? So I decided to talk to you a little about emotions today and give you some handle on how to handle some of the things that come our way.
Dr. Albert Ellis, who is the father of Cognitive Therapy, developed the famous ABC theory, which explains how our experiences, beliefs and actions interact. His model was 3-event sequence that happen every time you feel an emotion such as worry, fear, sadness and discouragement. This is what it is:
As Gary Smalley said, “Change your heart and it will change your life.”
God Bless Us All.
Resources
I was talking to another friend of mind who came into my office and in the course of the conversation, he said, “I met so and so and he looked so whipped.” I’ve been thinking about that word ‘whipped’ and it seemed to personify someone who didn’t have anything to live for; like he’d taken a beating in life. I thought that sometimes we are enveloped by emotions that, whether we like it or not, seem to come over us and they dictate the way we look at the world after that.
I don’t know if you’ve been there, but there have been times when suddenly a sense of sadness comes over me and I’m not able to put my finger on the cause. That sadness then colors the other things that I enter into. Or it could be a sense of fear or discouragement or something like that. I then wondered about each one of you in this group and whether these kinds of emotions come upon you? Are you able to handle them or do they overtake you? So I decided to talk to you a little about emotions today and give you some handle on how to handle some of the things that come our way.
Dr. Albert Ellis, who is the father of Cognitive Therapy, developed the famous ABC theory, which explains how our experiences, beliefs and actions interact. His model was 3-event sequence that happen every time you feel an emotion such as worry, fear, sadness and discouragement. This is what it is:
- A: the event that happens to you and that event could be good or bad, but it starts with the event.
- B: what you think about the event that happens to you.
- C: the feelings that result from what you think of the event and the feelings are the emotions that envelope us.
Now if you look at that, you are immediately caught up with the fact that you never think of that B section. There is an event that happens and then we react to it. The feelings come over us. Dr. Albert Ellis says, “The key to feelings is that we forget that our brain looks at that event and then analyses that event and so what we think about that event, then determines the feelings that we have about the event.”
What you think about the event, comes from what you believe; the accumulation of thoughts from past experiences, the situation. Something happens to you and you immediately feel a sense of emotion coming over you. Actually that emotion comes from a second step that your brain processes in just nanoseconds that says, “Here’s an event that has happened; here’s what I believe about that event.” And as soon as that belief kicks in, then an emotion that accompanies such kind of belief also kicks in. what we then experience, for example, sadness, discouragement, fear, comes from some trigger that happened whether you are aware of it or not. That trigger then finds its place in our lives in our belief system.
For example, you are walking in an airport and you just see two steel things by the side of you and you walk through it. After that, you look back and realize that it was a forty-foot ladder that you didn’t realize was a ladder and walked through. Then a sense of fear comes and an anticipation that something is going to happen to you, something bad. But what it stems from is your belief system that says “I do have superstitions and walking under a ladder means bad luck.” So that envelops us.
Now the key here is to be able to either accept that it is a rational or an irrational belief, because if you believe that walking under a ladder will make something bad happen, then something will happen. What you expect through the day will begin to happen to you. The key is to not accept that superstition and decide that you didn’t know it was a ladder and so carry on with life. But the key for us to have control over the things that envelop us is to be able to make sure that our beliefs are true and right. Constant thoughts become our belief and our belief controls everything about us.
Gary Smalley, a famous psychologist, wrote a book, ‘Change Your Heart and Change Your Life’. In it he says, “The key is – your consistent thoughts become your belief and your belief controls everything about you. What you continue to think about, settles into a belief system and your belief system controls everything because the moment an event happens, it adds into the reservoir of your belief system and the resultant emotions then envelop you.”
So what I am saying to you is - Check the emotions that you feel on the event that triggered it and why you feel a particular way and take charge of those emotions. Maybe you’ve been in a position where you’re feeling sad or there is a fear or worry. Check and see where that came from, what is the event that triggered it and then what in your belief system has made you feel that way.
I consistently go through my life trying to change some of those things. We don’t realize how things influence the way we respond to life. We look at life and we absorb a lot of things that we are thinking about consistently and those things begin to impinge on the way we view and feel about situations.
Ask yourself – is that a rational or an irrational belief? I feel sadness – is that rational or irrational? If it’s irrational, then do something about it. Replace that belief system. If it’s rational, then deal with it, handle it, find out what you need to do to overcome that particular feeling. But if it’s irrational, and more often than not, it’s irrational beliefs that determines the way we see things.
I draw from our Bible, the Scriptures. There are times when I feel weak, inadequate and I wonder where this is coming from. Then I tell myself that I don’t need to feel weak and I replace it with thoughts that come from a verse in the Bible “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I can do all things because God is with me. So I replace that weak thought with the thought that says, “Hey, I’ve got the Almighty God with me.” So that thought of weakness is replaced by a strong thought.
When I feel unloved, and so often we feel like nobody loves or cares for us, - that’s not a rational thought. There are people around us who dearly love us. Then I think about, “Cast all your cares upon Him; upon God, for He cares for you.” Even if people around don’t care, God does and so I replace the feeling of being unloved with a feeling that God cares for me, even if nobody else does.
If I’m feeling unsupported or vulnerable or wondering if I am alone in all of this, I am reminded of a verse that says, “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose hearts are committed to Him.” My heart belongs to God and therefore this verse is true – I am supported and not vulnerable.
There are times when I am anxious and I am reminded, “Even though you walk through the valley of dark shadows, I will be with you. My rod and My staff will comfort you.” The rod and staff is the imagery of a shepherd looking after his sheep, making sure that there’s nothing that will harm them.
I don’t know whether you are there, whether you have a feeling of sadness or discouragement, but all of us have been there. It may be in our past, it may be in our future some day. But here’s a way to handle it. Check that thought. Catch hold of it and ask whether this is rational or irrational. If irrational, then look at the belief system from which it comes and then replace that belief system with a stronger, more sustaining thought.
That’s the word I have for you. Watch the thing that envelops you, challenge them and then take charge and change the way that you look at the things around you. Take charge of your life; be careful of the things that inadvertently may come over you and be able to challenge and change those things. We look around our world and think that there are so many things that ought to be changed. And we feel this cold sense of dread – I want to change the things around me – but maybe the change needs to come from within us.
I want to close with these words written by somebody way back in 1100 A.D.
What you think about the event, comes from what you believe; the accumulation of thoughts from past experiences, the situation. Something happens to you and you immediately feel a sense of emotion coming over you. Actually that emotion comes from a second step that your brain processes in just nanoseconds that says, “Here’s an event that has happened; here’s what I believe about that event.” And as soon as that belief kicks in, then an emotion that accompanies such kind of belief also kicks in. what we then experience, for example, sadness, discouragement, fear, comes from some trigger that happened whether you are aware of it or not. That trigger then finds its place in our lives in our belief system.
For example, you are walking in an airport and you just see two steel things by the side of you and you walk through it. After that, you look back and realize that it was a forty-foot ladder that you didn’t realize was a ladder and walked through. Then a sense of fear comes and an anticipation that something is going to happen to you, something bad. But what it stems from is your belief system that says “I do have superstitions and walking under a ladder means bad luck.” So that envelops us.
Now the key here is to be able to either accept that it is a rational or an irrational belief, because if you believe that walking under a ladder will make something bad happen, then something will happen. What you expect through the day will begin to happen to you. The key is to not accept that superstition and decide that you didn’t know it was a ladder and so carry on with life. But the key for us to have control over the things that envelop us is to be able to make sure that our beliefs are true and right. Constant thoughts become our belief and our belief controls everything about us.
Gary Smalley, a famous psychologist, wrote a book, ‘Change Your Heart and Change Your Life’. In it he says, “The key is – your consistent thoughts become your belief and your belief controls everything about you. What you continue to think about, settles into a belief system and your belief system controls everything because the moment an event happens, it adds into the reservoir of your belief system and the resultant emotions then envelop you.”
So what I am saying to you is - Check the emotions that you feel on the event that triggered it and why you feel a particular way and take charge of those emotions. Maybe you’ve been in a position where you’re feeling sad or there is a fear or worry. Check and see where that came from, what is the event that triggered it and then what in your belief system has made you feel that way.
I consistently go through my life trying to change some of those things. We don’t realize how things influence the way we respond to life. We look at life and we absorb a lot of things that we are thinking about consistently and those things begin to impinge on the way we view and feel about situations.
Ask yourself – is that a rational or an irrational belief? I feel sadness – is that rational or irrational? If it’s irrational, then do something about it. Replace that belief system. If it’s rational, then deal with it, handle it, find out what you need to do to overcome that particular feeling. But if it’s irrational, and more often than not, it’s irrational beliefs that determines the way we see things.
I draw from our Bible, the Scriptures. There are times when I feel weak, inadequate and I wonder where this is coming from. Then I tell myself that I don’t need to feel weak and I replace it with thoughts that come from a verse in the Bible “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I can do all things because God is with me. So I replace that weak thought with the thought that says, “Hey, I’ve got the Almighty God with me.” So that thought of weakness is replaced by a strong thought.
When I feel unloved, and so often we feel like nobody loves or cares for us, - that’s not a rational thought. There are people around us who dearly love us. Then I think about, “Cast all your cares upon Him; upon God, for He cares for you.” Even if people around don’t care, God does and so I replace the feeling of being unloved with a feeling that God cares for me, even if nobody else does.
If I’m feeling unsupported or vulnerable or wondering if I am alone in all of this, I am reminded of a verse that says, “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose hearts are committed to Him.” My heart belongs to God and therefore this verse is true – I am supported and not vulnerable.
There are times when I am anxious and I am reminded, “Even though you walk through the valley of dark shadows, I will be with you. My rod and My staff will comfort you.” The rod and staff is the imagery of a shepherd looking after his sheep, making sure that there’s nothing that will harm them.
I don’t know whether you are there, whether you have a feeling of sadness or discouragement, but all of us have been there. It may be in our past, it may be in our future some day. But here’s a way to handle it. Check that thought. Catch hold of it and ask whether this is rational or irrational. If irrational, then look at the belief system from which it comes and then replace that belief system with a stronger, more sustaining thought.
That’s the word I have for you. Watch the thing that envelops you, challenge them and then take charge and change the way that you look at the things around you. Take charge of your life; be careful of the things that inadvertently may come over you and be able to challenge and change those things. We look around our world and think that there are so many things that ought to be changed. And we feel this cold sense of dread – I want to change the things around me – but maybe the change needs to come from within us.
I want to close with these words written by somebody way back in 1100 A.D.
When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago, I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
As Gary Smalley said, “Change your heart and it will change your life.”
God Bless Us All.
Resources
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