I want to start with a quote by Terence Seamon, and try and put this entire call in perspective – "Name a word you almost never hear of in connection with the workplace or the marketplace or in your office spaces. While there are probably many answers, the one that I name is FORGIVENESS. Somebody drops the ball, fails to meet the expectations, somebody misses a due date, what do we do? Forgive them? What would be the consequences of forgiveness in the workplace? Can you see it happening? How difficult is forgiveness in the workplace setting?"
I'm sure, even as you heard the word 'forgiveness', your mind started racing and went to unpleasant instances in your life; colleagues who have done something to you, the hurt that you've carried. I know I need to tread very carefully. But I think it is so important for us to understand what forgiveness can do for us. I know that as you look at your own workspaces that there are many people around you who may have done things to you, who have taken away credit when you should have got credit, who have taken the things that you have done and promoted it as their own – and you've found it very difficult to forgive that person.
I am reminded of former President, Abdul Kalam, who talked about the time when he was the mission director for SLV3, which was being launched in 1979. He says, "Just as the countdown for the launch was beginning, the computer showed that there was a problem. I turned around to the 6 experts who were behind me and all of them shook their heads and advised me not to launch. But I was mission director and thought that the small leakage would not matter; and I gave the go ahead. The first stage went off well; the satellite went into a spin in the second stage and plunged into the Bay of Bengal. I went back to my office, and the Chairman of ISRO came to my office and told me that we would have to meet the press. I was cringing because I thought that he would turn around and say, 'This is the man responsible for the failure.' But he never said a word about my part in the entire thing. All he said was, 'My friends, reassemble here next year and we will have a successful launch.' The next year, it was a successful launch. Then, after it was over, he came to my office and told me to meet the press. I turned to him and said, 'Sir, aren't you coming with me?' He said, "No, there's no need for that. You go meet the press. It's your day.' "
Stories like that seldom happen in our lives, where we have noble men and women who are willing to take the flak for failure but are willing to give success to the team. More often than not, it's the other way around in our work places. But even as you see that happening around you and to you, remember this: when animosity builds within you, because in many instances you don't do anything about it, resentment also increases. When resentment increases, then it eats into you. You don't have the ability to confront somebody, so you hold it all within you. It's even worse when it comes from a close colleague or a friend. William Blake said, "It is easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend."
So true! We look at things that happen to us, shake our heads and say, "Every dog has its day," or "One day I'll get even," or "One day I'll have my day in the sun." what I want to say to you today is this thought, that an unforgiving spirit is detrimental to our own health, our own journey and our own outcomes in life. It doesn't really touch other people; it only touches us, and that too, negatively.
I just picked up a book by John Grisham, 'Sycamore Row.' The opening pages talk about a very rich man who hung himself. He left a will and the executor of that will is surprised to read that his 2 ex-wives and all his children are totally left out of his inheritance. The man said, "I suffered because of them. Please don't tell the contents of my will till after my funeral. I want them to come and pretend to grieve at my funeral." You can see the amount of resentment in this man all these years. That's what happens to us – we build up resentment within ourselves, but that resentment is only hurting us.
Larry James who has done many seminars on relationships and has written many articles on it, says, "To not forgive another person is like taking the poison and expecting the other person to die." How true! It is startling to realize that we alone allow un-forgiveness in our lives and it's hurting us, nobody else.
Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive divine." Sometimes we think that to forgive is the prerogative of the divine. Yet in our Holy Scriptures there's one part where a disciple of Jesus asks Him, "Master, how many times should I forgive? Seven times?" Jesus answers, "No, let it be seventy times seven." Basically what Jesus was saying was, "Keep forgiving until you cannot remember." That's the essence of forgiveness, that you keep on forgiving because it hurts only yourself if you don't.
But there are so many misconceptions about forgiveness and I'm only going to highlight two or three.
1. You condone what has happened. That's not true. You don't have to condone what has happened. You only need to forgive what is wrong. When you condone it is like saying that nothing happened to you. But it did!
2. You have to reconcile. You don't really have to reconcile; you just have to let it go. Our Holy Scriptures say, "As long as it is possible, live peaceably with people." That's what we need to do.
3. We can only forgive if we've got an apology. But think about it. If you wait for an apology, you are really giving control to the other person because until they have apologized, you still hold resentment. To forgive is to make a choice in your life that says, "I will not remain a victim."
Somebody once said that un-forgiveness is like having hooks in you that are attached to other people. And you go through life walking with all these people you haven't forgiven, who are hooked into you. The key is to release all those people so that you can walk much better and be in a better frame of mind.
Forgiveness at work is how I started and I want to quote ASAE, The Centre for Association Leadership says, "Forgiveness does not rule out heart-to- heart talks in which the person confronts the offender. One can forgive and still establish boundaries, expectations, and performance and conduct standards. It doesn't even rule out dismissals; you can forgive someone and still say goodbye. Forgiveness simply involves finding compassion for the offender. It requires remembering that we all have faults, foibles, insecurities, and anxieties. It results in freedom – for the forgiver." We want freedom for ourselves. We want to live in peace.
I love this quote by Mahatma Gandhi, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."
So I ask you today, my friends. Are you strong? Are you compassionate? Are you willing to make the choice to forgive? Ultimately it always results in a better quality of life for us and people spend a lot of money to get that better quality. This one, forgiveness, doesn't cost you anything.
Let me pray with you. Almighty God, on each one of us, and I stand with all my brothers and sisters on this call, help us to be forgiving people. Help us to release people who have hurt us or have done some kind of injustice against us. We want to release them so that we can have a better quality of life. Help us Master, to do that today. Bring to mind people who we have not forgiven over the years, but whom we need to release today. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
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