Steven Berglas, a faculty member of Harvard Medical School, Department of Psychiatry and a member of McLean Hospital for over 25 years – a very well respected person wrote this blog in the HBR Blog Network. He gives an instance of how he was talking to a friend of his who came to him and said, "Diane, my comptroller, a woman 100% dedicated to the business, is also nastier than a junkyard dog. She doesn't just monitor spending. She beats people up for what she sees as waste, failure to stick to protocol, issues with record-keeping…. nothing major, but stuff that is technically wrong. If she assumes you are fudging parts of expense reports - say, claiming a lunch that is not 100% business-related – she'll attack you like Muhammad Ali in his prime. She assaults my EVP of sales so regularly, he vows to quit if I don't fire her."
Dr. Berglas says that his friend was not prepared for his answer which was, "I'm willing to bet Diane's cooking the books so she can pocket cash." His friend just wouldn't believe it of her. "Diane's so honest!" he said and took the bet. Within a year, they found out that Diane had been embezzling funds for 20 years.
The point is that oftentimes, the people who are very critical or negative in our organizations, have a psychological defense mechanism called projection. This projection enables the person to deny their own issues by attributing those traits to others. Projection lets us condemn those traits we find distasteful, repugnant, or worthy of punishment.
That's an interesting place to be in. often our gut response to hearing something like that is to say, "How do I deal with that kind of person? What needs to be done for that person?" that is only if you are in a place of leadership or have some avenues open to deal with it. But very often we don't. We have negativity around us all across the organization and sometimes if it is overwhelming or overbearing, we begin to retreat into ourselves. We begin to say, "I'll just produce what is required. I'll fly under the radar. I can't really handle this person or this kind of personality around me." so instead of blooming, we wither. That is what I would like to speak to you about today. That is not the proper response to people who have negativity or are critical in the workspace – that you allow them to dictate who you are or what you are going to be.
I never forget this line: "Always bloom where you are planted." Where you are is where you ought to be especially if you feel that is the place you are supposed to be and you are not thinking of moving to another job. If you realize that this is the place where you have to be and you find yourself in a situation where you are not being who you can be, then you need to do something about it somehow. Wherever you are placed, you need to bloom where you are planted.
Dale Carnegie, in his famous book 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' says, "One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
That's the question I have for you this morning. Given a set of circumstances that are around you and you cannot really change, are you allowing yourself to be changed into a person that you are not? Or are you saying I will still bloom in these present circumstances? That's the thing that we ought to be doing.
An unknown author wrote, "If you keep one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today."
Somebody else said, "Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace." There is peace in the present. That is why it is called 'A present'.
So I challenge you this morning to look at your set of situations and circumstances and then ask the question: Am I living in the present? Am I doing what I need to do in the present to let my life be fulfilled? Or am I letting myself be molded and conformed to the moods and idiosyncrasies of people around me?
Henry Longfellow, in his poem Psalm of Life, says:
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!
There are three ways of looking at what's going on around you.
1. Pessimistic Attitude
2. Optimistic Attitude
3. Taking charge of that particular situation.
For example, the pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, but it is the leader or the person who takes charge of his future in his own hand who says, "I will adjust the sails or do something about this wind."
I want to ask you this morning. Are you in a place where you are getting crumpled? Are you getting forced into doing what other people expect you to do? Are you reacting to negativity and critical attitudes around you and thereby becoming less than who you are? Is it a long time since you have seen any kind of fruit from what you have been doing? Maybe today is the time for you to think about doing something about it. "I'm not going to let other people force me into their mold. In this situation, I'm going to try and be whom God intended me to be." God is there just rooting for you. He cares about who you are and what you are doing. Sometimes we allow worry about our situation to just belittle us and delimit us.
I have a poem stuck on my wall at home by Elizabeth Cheney titled 'Overheard in an Orchard'.
Said the robin to the sparrow, "I should really like to know…
Why these anxious human beings rush about and worry so?!"
Said the sparrow to the robin, "Friend, I think it must be,
That they have no Heavenly Father, such as cares for you and me!"
And we do have a Heavenly Father who cares for you and me, who cares that you don't get into a mold that others are building for you. He wants you to be who he intended you to be. I wonder this morning whether you need to say, "I've had enough of being made into the person that I wasn't meant to be. I am going to bloom where I am planted." Take the oars and determine the course, knowing that Almighty God is with you and he says, "I am with you always." As long as we have life, he is with us. My prayer is that this will be an encouraging word for you today, to take stock of your life and say, "I pray that I am blooming. I don't want to degenerate. I want to bloom where I have been planted.
Let me pray with you. Almighty God. Bless everyone on this call. I pray that you would help each of us to be the kind of people that you want us to be. in our workplaces today if there are critical spirits or negativity, help us to overcome it and not be burdened by it but to be proactive with who you want us to be. Help us all to bloom where you have planted us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
• Gary S Topchik, "Purging Workplace Negativity," http://www.asaecenter.org/Resources/EUArticle.cfm?ItemNumber=11645
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