I wonder whether you have ever been party to a meltdown at the office – a situation where, in the course of a normal discussion or brain-storming, a comment was made which was taken too seriously and the reaction that followed was totally disproportionate to what was said. Everybody is surprised; the person involved bangs down a pen, storms out of the place and leaves everybody scratching the heads. It was a very innocuous comment; there was nothing overtly serious about it, and yet major offence was taken, in serious disproportion to the remark, at least that's what everybody thinks.
I've been in the presence of these kinds of meltdowns before and it always brings up some interesting questions. I'm sure you've experienced them as well. But what happens at these meltdowns? What is going on in the mind of this hapless colleague? Well, it's an emotional trigger that just went off. Suddenly there's a 'blast from their past,' as it were; this event, or the words, brought back emotions that were attached to an incident way back in their history.
The University of Alberta put down this definition for a trigger: "A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal. A person's triggers are activated through one or more of the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell and taste." So this person who blew up at the office was reacting to a trigger from the past that had been of exceptionally high emotional content but zero behavioral response. But the memory remained with unresolved emotions attached to it, until this day at the office, when the pressure couldn't be contained and they blew a gasket.
J.P. Sears, a holistic coach, said, "When triggered, our ability to respond to a situation is greatly minimized because we are overwhelmed. It's a very knee-jerk kind of reaction, exactly like when a reflex hammer strikes the patella tendon and your leg reflexively jerks up. It's the same thing." When this happens, you just respond, either outwardly or inwardly. But both have huge consequences, because outwardly, everyone is left to pick up the pieces of what might have been a very good meeting, while inwardly, everyone is left to deal with passive-aggressive behaviour reactions—staying incommunicado at meetings, disinterested miens, or unmet deadlines.
All of this just tends to corrupt the workplace making it a toxic environment that lacks creativity, amity and productivity. Toxic environments are not the place that most people want to be in, or to be working with people who just shoot off their mouth and have knee-jerk reactions. Environments have to be good and conducive for working. Michelle Conlin says in an article, "Like many, people are beginning to realize that being analytically savvy is not enough; being emotionally competent is now part of the job."
Maybe as you read this post you find that you've been guilty of emotional outbursts at work, and you've never known why. Maybe now that you do, you can take responsibility for it and get some help. Go back into that situation, find out what the trigger is, and get help in dealing with it. As Martha Beck says, "Triggers explain, but they don't excuse." They may explain why you are doing something, but they don't excuse your behavior, and as gently as I can, I say: "Get help."
But it is also possible that you might be the recipient of this kind of behaviour. You might have somebody at the office who is constantly shooting off their mouth, and excessively responding to a situation. How do you handle it? Emotional triggers, when used against you, must be met by boundaries. Or else you'll become the target of somebody else's lack of control. You've got to have boundaries and know what behavior is acceptable and what is not.
What kind of boundaries do you need to put in place? Henry Cloud and John Townsend have written a brilliant book, entitled "Boundaries"—quite outstanding. They say, "A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are, and are not, responsible." They then go on to outline four areas where boundaries need to be in place, namely,
· Physical boundaries which help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.
· Mental boundaries, which give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions.
· Emotional boundaries, which help us deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others.
· Spiritual boundaries, which help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.
Further, they add, boundaries also help define our identity. Boundaries define what is me and what is not me, and we have got to put that in place.
I don't know where you stand on this whole issue of emotional triggers. Do you see yourself losing it every now and then? Or do you see yourself as the recipient of an outburst and need to put a boundary in place? But, wherever you are, I believe that God is proactive in that place as well. If you have an emotional trigger that is being set off, invite Him to help you overcome it, to deal with it so that it finds its place in your history and in your memory, and sits in the past without impinging upon your present, and spoiling your future. And if you are in a toxic environment, ask Him for wisdom to know what kind of boundaries you need to put in place. Either way, God is one source of great wisdom for each one of us.
May I pray with you?
Almighty God, bless each one who reads this post, and wherever they stand on emotional triggers or the need to put in boundaries, please help them. Give them the wisdom to know what to do, so that they can overcome the emotional triggers or set the right boundaries so that they can continue to have a good, productive and amiable work environment. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Endnotes:
• Triggers and Flashbacks, https://www.ualberta.ca/~uasac/Triggers.htm
• JP Sears, "Living Beyond Emotional Triggers," http://www.innerawakeningsonline.com/articles/beyond-emotional-triggers/
• "People Quit Their Boss, Not Their Jobs," http://businesspaths.net/Articles/12/people-quit-their-boss-not-their-job
• Michelle Conlin, "Im A Bad Boss? Blame My Dad." http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/stories/2004-05-09/im-a-bad-boss-blame-my-dad
• Henry Cloud & John Townsend, "Boundaries," http://www.cloudtownsend.com/boundaries/
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