I was reading a book and came across this interesting interview, or chat, that the author, Dr. Henry Cloud, had with former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair. In this particular talk, he says that Tony Blair actually referenced a meeting that he had with former President Bill Clinton about leadership and some of the aspects of leadership, especially when there is a crisis around and everybody is looking to the leader. Bill Clinton said, "You've got to keep the face" on. Clinton went on to say, "Each and every day, no matter what you are going through and how bad it is, the leader has to put on the face – the face of hope, strength, optimism. People are looking to the leader for all these things and you have to deliver confidence no matter where you may be on the inside. The public face of leadership goes with the territory."
So true, isn't it, for each one reading this post who is in some leadership capacity, we know that when people look to us for leadership, they cannot see uncertainty. They cannot see fear or confusion. They've got to be able to see optimism. They've got to be able to see hope. They've got to be able to see somebody who is in complete control of the situation even though inwardly there may be complete uncertainty. There could be fear or apprehension. The 'face' comes to stay because it models for people all around that the leader is in charge and knows what needs to be done.
Thinking about that, I thought – it's not easy to keep that face on all the time. Sometimes, at some point, you need to take it away just to be yourself. You can't go through life keeping a mask on. There needs to be a time when that mask comes off. All of us know that there are times when we just long to take that mask off and to just be "real", to acknowledge that there are feelings of uncertainty, there are feelings of fear or apprehension or confusion that need to be clarified; a place to go where one can speak about where we actually are.
I remember many years ago, I was invited to a breakfast meeting with 10 men. I was so intrigued by the way that they got together at 6:30 am. All of them were high-profile people. There were no masks present. All of them were real, acknowledging that there were issues, personal, public, whatever it was. This was the forum that they got to be able to just talk about the real issues. I came away from that meeting thinking how good this place is for leaders. There's got to be a place where one can leave off the mask and just acknowledge some of the emotions or feelings that are associated with being a leader.
In an article in Harvard Business Review, it said that 50% of CEOs admit to feelings of loneliness. And out of that, 61% believe that it hinders their performance, as well. The air can get very rarified at the top, isn't it? Loneliness is something that goes with the territory and yet, we need to make sure that loneliness doesn't stay there. Loneliness doesn't capture us and envelop us to the point that even outside of our area of work, we have nobody else to talk to. That's where the real issues come.
Henry Cloud, in his book says, "There are 3 questions that you must ask yourself:
· Where am I?
· Where is the enemy?
· Where is my buddy?
He says, "No matter what the answers are to question 1 and 2, the way out of difficulty is going to come from having the answer to question 3.
I like that! It's so important for us to have someone to whom we can go to and just be real – someone who will not judge us, will not expect anything from us, who will just listen and talk straight.
In our Scriptures, King David had got into a relationship with Bathsheba and done all kinds of wrong things. Because of his position and leadership, he tried to gloss over it and keep going, till one day, he was confronted by the prophet Nathan, who looked at him and told him a story, trying to subtly let him know he had done wrong, and King David still didn't make the connection. Finally, Nathan looked into his face and said, "You are that man!" I thought to myself that we need people around in our lives, who will look at us in the eye and say, "You are that man/woman. You need to take time out to deal with the situation." We need good friends who are able to confront us, who will not just give us the normal rhetoric. It made me wonder – do we have those friends in place? Do you and I have a buddy that we can go to and say, "Hey, this is what's going on in my life." Not as CEOs or MDs or whatever, but to strip off the titles and just say friend-to-friend, "I'm going through a difficult time. I need help. I need an outside voice to speak to me. I'm under a great amount of tension."
I don't know whether I am resonating with any of you on this call. Loneliness is a place that leadership seems to accept. And yet, if you continue to stay in that place, it's going to get really difficult. I come into office each morning and have a couple of cups of coffee. The first cup of coffee is, for me, a conversation with God that I have about the day, about some of the uncertainties that I am a facing, thing that I am not sure of. I ask Him for wisdom as I speak to each one of you. In fact, it's a reflection of one of my favorite songs that has been around for almost 50 years. It goes like this:
I talk to Jesus every day,
And He's interested in every word I say.
No secretary ever tells me He's been called away.
I talk to Jesus every day.
Maybe today, you don't have a buddy and that's someone you do need to get. But God is always there, always willing to hear, always willing to impart wisdom. In fact, Psalm 32 says, "He will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. He will counsel you with His loving eye on you."
What beautiful words! I wonder today whether you are dealing with loneliness. I wonder whether you are dealing with a mask that you just can't take off. I wonder whether you just need to stop looking inside yourself for resources that are not there and look upward and outward. Find a buddy who you can talk to and then look upward and know that God is available every moment of every day. Loneliness is something that goes with the territory, yes, but it's not something that we need to embrace as a constant. It can be detrimental to our leadership.
May I pray for you?
Almighty God, You know where we are, You know the positions of leadership that we hold, and You also know the masks that we wear. Help us Lord, to be able to find places to take those masks off, to be real, to be understood, to be heard, to be counseled. Above all, help us to turn our eyes to You and know that You look down upon us with a loving eye and that You will counsel and instruct us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
• Dr. Henry Cloud, "The Power of the Other." Pgs, 53-54
• Thomas J. Saporito, "It's Time to Acknowledge CEO Loneliness." https://hbr.org/2012/02/its-time-to-acknowledge-ceo-lo
• The Holy Bible: Psalm 32:8
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