Too Perfect?

There used to be a time when perfectionism, or the desire to be perfect, was looked upon as a good quality to possess. But increasingly, as with everything that can be good, it has been taken to a point where it isn't productive anymore, and, in a lot of cases, is beginning to be unhealthy.

 

Michael Sandel, famed professor at Harvard University says, "High levels of perfectionism are associated with vulnerability to problems in life proving that there is a bad side to being too good." Then he goes on to say, "It comes out of a desire to be so perfect that it is causing more damage than good."

 

Well, I don't know about you but I think it's a good thing to strive to be good and to excel. Yet, the more I read about the subject, I think we need to be able to find a balance in the things that we do, so that we don't take perfectionism to the point where it's being looked on as a psychopathology. In fact, psychologists are now saying, "To be a perfectionist is to be one who is driven by fear of failure, a fear of making mistakes and a fear of disapproval."

 

As Dr. Adrian Furnham says, "They can easily self-destruct in a vicious cycle of their own making." What is that cycle? Set unreachable goals à fail to reach them à become depressed and lethargic à have less energy and a deep sense of failure à get lower self-esteem and high self-blame. And then all the way around again. I think that's a cycle worth avoiding.

 

I thought I'd like to amplify perfectionism a little bit so that we understand what is the good part of it and what is the not so good part of it, so tht we can be careful in the things that we do.

 

There's a spectrum on perfectionism where neurotic perfectionism is on one hand and non-perfectionism on the other, with a normal healthy perfectionism characterized by high standards, high levels of organization and a striving for excellence in the middle.

 

So, let's look at what normal perfectionists would look like. They would be ones who derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort and who feel free to be less precise as the situation permits. Normal perfectionists tend to enhance their self-esteem, rejoice in their skills, and appreciate a job well-done.

 

Neurotic perfectionists, on the other hand, are never satisfied with anything they do. In their eyes, their best efforts are never good enough. While normal perfectionists are able to take their foot off the gas when the situation arises, ease off the drivenness and have a very healthy view of themselves, neurotic perfectionists always seem to want to do better and better. It robs them of the satisfaction that might ordinarily accompany good achievement. As psychologist Hamchek would say to them: In their own eyes, they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of satisfaction.

 

But at the other end of the spectrum, lie the non-perfectionists and these are relaxed, easy-going, fun people who are so laid back that they are completely disorganized, unreliable and even lazy. Non-perfectionists are very accepting, making few demands on themselves or others, and a personality type that can have positive or negative aspects.

 

Psychologist Linda Silverman says, "Perfectionism is a two-edged sword with the potential to propel someone either to unparalleled greatness or to the depths of despair."

 

So, we need to be very careful on how we understand the term perfectionism. I want to offer you a good differentiation or delineation between what would be unhealthy perfectionism and what would be healthy perfectionism. David Stoop put together this chart in which he says: Unhealthy perfectionism, on the one hand, would have these characteristics.

·       Idealistic

·       Striving for the impossible

·       Driven by fear of failure

·       Product minded

·       Having to be the very best

·       View life as a threat

·       Unable to take any criticism

·       Dwelling on mistakes

·       Evaluation of self by what they do.

 

What about healthy perfectionism? They would have these traits.

·       Realistic

·       Strive for the doable with effort

·       Anticipates success

·       Process-minded

·       Want to do their very best

·       View life as a challenge

·       Welcome criticism

·       Learn from mistakes

·       Value self for who they are rather than what they do.

 

A lot of food for thought especially if you've always looked at yourself as a perfectionist and valued that particular attitude or particular zeal that you had for doing things well, but we can see how careful we need to be. So, just a word to the wise. Be careful in wanting to be a perfectionist. Make sure it ends up in productive outcomes without diminishing who you are, while yet making sure that it is your very best effort. Unhealthy perfectionism can lead to serious pathological disorders that you don't want to be dealing with.

 

So how do we avoid this?  I think if we offer all our work to the Almighty God who has Himself endowed us with the ability to do all things well, we would be well placed. As our Scriptures say, "Do everything as unto the Lord." If we do that, we will not have to worry about being neurotically perfect. When we look to give things that are the very best to the Almighty God, then we will always be doing things that are good and healthy, and making good and healthy offerings.

 

So, friends, stay healthy. Go after perfectionism in a healthy manner and avoid all neurotic unhealthy behaviors.

 

May I pray with you? Almighty God, give us the wisdom to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy behaviors. Help us understand the difference between what is healthy and productive against what is poor, unhealthy and destructive. Help us to lay our work on Your altar as an acceptable, excellent and first-rate offering unto You. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

 

References:
•       Hamchek, Don. "Psychodynamics of Normal and Neurotic Perfectionism." Psychology 15 (1978).

•       Winter, Richard. Perfecting Ourselves to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2005.

•       Furnham, Adrian, "Curse of Perfectionism," https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201402/the-curse-perfectionism

•       Carolyn Gregoire, "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out Of Control," http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/why-perfectionism-is-ruin_n_4212069.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in

•       Brené Brown, "Overcoming Perfectionism, "http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/brene-brown-daring-greatly-perfectionism-oprah_n_3468501.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in