Anger

Last week we talked about attitude and how we need to watch our attitude and that attitude is a choice that we have and we control. The previous week we talked about integrity.

This week I’d like to talk about something that a lot of people are talking about and is beginning to be quite an issue especially in work places. It’s the whole question of anger. I remember reading, maybe a month or two back, an elderly couple got pulled out of a vehicle at Khargar because they had parked across a couple of guys riding a bike. They were both beaten very badly. A week or 2 back, we read about a taxi driver who had brushed against another car, the people got out angrily beat him up, took him to Airoli and abandoned him there. All of these incidents of anger we hear about, and realize a lot of people are snapping. There’s behavior that seems to be getting out of control. Maybe you know an office colleague who suddenly snaps at you and portrays behavior that is inconsistent with normal behavior. Or maybe this morning you are dealing with anger. You are an angry person. People in your office walk around you carefully or at home, family members give you a little more space than you really need, or maybe you’ve noticed that laughter dries up when you come on the scene. Maybe you know that you are an angry person, that you’re seething inside but unable to do anything about it. Well, maybe this morning’s talk can help you.


I’d like for us to look at anger in an objective way and allow the Bible and God’s Spirit to illuminate and help our understanding. I was reading a book by Paul and Liz Griffin entitled ‘Anger: How do you handle it?’ and I’d like to give some of the thoughts that they have penned down.

But first let’s look at anger. Look at us; we are the vehicles for that. Remember God made us. Psalm 139:13 says, ‘God knit me together in my mother’s womb.’
1 Thessalonians 5:23, Paul refers to us as being whole in body, soul and spirit.
So it looks like we’re 3 compartments put together, body, soul and spirit. If we look at these 3 compartments we see that the body is basically the physical part – skin, bones, muscle and all the rest. The soul consists of the mind, the will and the emotions. What is the mind? It is the part that we use to think, analyze and process the information received through our senses. The will is what we use to make our choices. And the emotions are the place where we register and process our internal feelings. The spirit is that innermost part of our being that contains our identity, our creativity, our conscience and through which we relate to God. It’s the part of us that imparts life and doesn’t die. We know that if we know God, if we know Jesus, this life is but a doorway into His presence.

But coming back to emotions. Emotions are then God-given, isn’t it? If God has knitted us together while we were in our mother’s womb, then our emotions are something that God has given to us. And if it is, then it’s something that is good. Emotions are the inner reactions of feelings that we have to the circumstances, real or perceived, that is happening around us. That’s a key! Real or perceived! How we emote, how we respond. Emotions that we use to respond, or feelings that we use to respond to these circumstances, whether they be real or perceived, is what is called emotions. But emotions, if they are God-given, are good for us and they allow us to enjoy a good life. They may be motivating factors in our lives. For example, grief and sadness at the misfortune of others can cause us to want to reach out to them.

Now anger too is an emotion. The emotional response we feel is often expressed through the rest of our being. It’s a feeling of disapproval, dislike, opposition to what is happening to us. Now the dictionary defines anger as hot displeasure provoked by some action, incident or situation, often involving hostility and a desire for retaliation. There are many different English words that describe the intensity of anger. They include being annoyed, upset, irritated, exasperated, infuriated, frustrated, enraged, furious, cross, mad, aggressive, hostile and incensed. Now the intensity of anger is very subjective. For some, something you find may only be slightly irritating but for others, it could make them deeply angry, they will go into a rage over it.

Tom Marshal in his book ‘Right Relationships’ says this: “One of the problems is that our language has no way of distinguishing between anger as a feeling and anger as a behavior.” Now that is crucial – that there’s a distinction between anger as a feeling and anger as a behavior. We may fail to recognize the difference between anger as a feeling and anger as a behavior. We may believe that it is only the behavior that should be called anger. In other words, we only admit or acknowledge that we are angry when we lash out in acts of violence against others. But the key in being able to understand anger is to realize that it is a feeling and it can also then lead to behavior. And how we determine what we do with the feeling of anger is crucial for our anger in the workplace.

It’s interesting. I was looking at an article written by Henry Weisinger, author and psychologist, who wrote on anger management. “Management cannot just ignore anger any longer. In a survey that was done, 12 of the most common catalysts of anger in the workplace are these:

• general harassment (sexual or other),
• favoritism of one employee over another,
• insensitivity by managers,
• depersonalization of the contemporary workplace,
• unfair performance appraisals,
• lack of resources,
• lack of adequate training,
• lack of team work,
• withdrawal of earned benefits,
• lack or violation of trust,
• poor communication
• absentee bosses.

As we look through that list, we see that it is very easy to fall into that category. There are so many things that happen to us that can cause us to be angry.

How do we handle anger? The first thing I’d like to say is, don’t deny the emotion of anger. It is an emotion God has given to us. But watch out for the behavior that comes from that anger. Anger can be godly anger, righteous anger or it can be anger that is not necessarily the right emotion.

How do we know whether we are angry for the right reasons? Ask yourself these questions. Is it ok to feel angry about the situation? Is my anger a right anger? Have I got a distorted picture of what is going on? Am I allowing past events in my life to influence my feelings about current situations? And then ask the big question. Would God be angry in this situation? Remember we are made in God’s image. God has emotions. Would God be angry about what is happening to me right now? Then, having asked those questions, determine how we should react. Remember you can be right about anger and wrong about behavior to that anger. Because the Bible says: “in your anger, do not sin.” Ephesians 4:26

I want to give you a couple of other scriptures as I draw this to a close.

1. Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man or woman overlooks an insult.
2. Proverbs 14:29 A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
3. Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissention, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
4. Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
5. Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Lastly: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Do not give the devil a foothold. In your anger do not sin.

The Bible is saying be careful that your emotion of anger does not lead to bad behavior. Differentiate between anger as a feeling and anger as an ungodly action.

Maybe this morning you’ve listened to me and thought that you could relate to what I am saying. ‘I get angry. I’m angry at the situation I’m finding myself in, at work or in the office.’ Remember this, that if you are angry, if it is not dealt with, it can continue to bring you to a place where you are not fulfilling your full potential. It can make you to work at less that optimum levels. An angry person in the workplace is not a fully focused person. And a person who is not fully focused in the workplace is a person who is not fulfilling his potential. And if you’re not fulfilling your potential, you know it. And you can become very frustrated. Frustration leads to anger again and the cycle just perpetuates.

So maybe today is a good day to deal with anger. We deal with anger in different ways. We deny it, we suppress it, we internalize it, we show passive aggression, i.e. develop resentful attitudes, uncooperative behaviors, stop being team players, resent authority. Or sometimes we use verbal aggression, throw tantrums, or even transference, or worse, get physically aggressive.

But what would be the right way to handle anger from a good Godly perspective. I would suggest to you, if you are angry and your feelings of anger are beginning to express themselves in unhealthy ways, ask God to help you today. Tell Him that you have these feelings. The Bible says: “Clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Ask Jesus to help you use your anger as a motivating force for change. If your anger is connected with some unhealed hurts in your life, don’t ignore the hurts but seek help. If your anger is related to injustices, ask God to show you how He wants you to respond to the injustices. If anger stems from your relationships or the way others have treated you, let your anger motivate you to work in bringing about change and improving your relationship.

Secondly take full responsibility for your behavior. Choose that in future you will recognize the difference between anger as a feeling and anger as behavior. Ask God to slow down your impulsive aggressive attitudes and behavior when you feel threatened or angry.

Thirdly, release and forgive people who hurt you or upset you. Somebody once said that if you don’t forgive people, you carry excess baggage with you. The other person has walked away from you, but you carry the baggage of that unforgiveness. Today might be a good day to release that person and to forgive them.

Finally ask God to control you. Ask Him to lead you, to guide you; to give you wisdom to handle every situation that you could be in. Remember it’s not wrong to be angry. It’s an emotion God has given you, but it must be justified. Watch the actions that come from that anger.