Perfectionism - A Blessing Or Curse?

There used to be a time when perfectionism, or the desire to be perfect, was looked upon as a good quality to possess. But increasingly, as with everything that can be good, it has been taken to a point where it isn't productive anymore and, in a lot of cases, is beginning to be unhealthy.

Michael Sandel, professor at Harvard University, says, "High levels of perfectionism are associated with vulnerability to problems in life, proving that there is a bad side to being too good." Then he goes on to say, "It comes out of a desire to be so perfect that it is causing more damage than good."

I don't know about you but I think it's a good thing to strive to be good and to excel. Yet, the more I read about this subject, I think we need to be able to find a balance in the things that we do, so we don't take perfectionism to the point where it is being looked on as a psychopathology. Psychologists are now saying, "To be a perfectionist is to be one who is driven by fear of failure, a fear of making mistakes and a fear of disapproval."  As Dr. Adrian Furnham says, "They can easily self-destruct in a vicious cycle of their own making." What is that cycle? Set unreachable goals à fail to reach them à become depressed and lethargic à have less energy and a deep sense of failure à get lower self-esteem and high self-blame." That's a cycle worth avoiding.

Ego - A Three-Letter Word

I wonder whether you have seen children play games with a bat or a ball, like cricket or football. Then seen these kids get upset with decisions that haven't gone their way, just pick up their bat or ball, and walk away saying, "I'm done!" leaving everybody else in a bit of a fix. That is a good early symptom of a slowly growing ego. "They would rather opt-out of the game than be flexible enough to find a compromise and continue playing," says Todd Henry, adding that, "ego is something that can kill creativity, kill innovation and can kill collaboration." It doesn't allow for people to work together; it brings in a "victim "complex that doesn't allow teamwork.

I spent some time reading through the book by Walter Isaacson that came out some time back, called "The Innovators." It's a brilliant book, a compendium, actually that chronicles the whole evolution of the computer and the Internet. He takes it right back to 1835 – the time when it was really embryonic. But, in the middle chapters, he talks about the evolution of the transistor and how technology moved from the vacuum tube which some of you may remember to the solid state era. That came about because of a guy called William Shockley. He was born in 1910. He went to MIT and graduated when he was 26 years old and was known for his brilliance. Eventually he teamed up with 2 people, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain. They would go on to get the Nobel Prize for their work with the transistor in 1956.

Bitterness 101

I was thinking about the month that we are in; we have crossed over into March and 2 months are already history for 2015. But March, by itself, is a very interesting month especially in your workplace. It's a month that has to do with year-endings, assessments, appraisals, increments, and also questions about whether this is the place to stay, anticipating whether it is time to make a move, how is your boss going to take the work that you have done over the year. All of that can create a lot of tension. Also, to look ahead when things don't quite go the way we expect. Then, oftentimes, we get into places where we are resentful, angry – those kinds of emotions come in. I have seen a few people who have gone into this month and have found that they are bitter because things didn't pan out the way that they expected. People, especially colleagues, let them down; people have reported on them and it leaves them with a very bitter taste.

I felt the need to talk about this bitterness that can come upon us when things go well, almost preempt it and prepare us for the month ahead and have a positive attitude.

Pride - Your Downfall

I came across a little anecdote in a book that I have been reading by Simon Sinek, called 'Leaders Eat Last'. The author says, "I heard a story about a former Undersecretary of Defense, who gave a speech at a large conference. He took his place on the stage and began talking, sharing his prepared remarks with the audience. Then he paused to take a sip of coffee from the Styrofoam cup that he had brought on stage with him. He took another sip, looked down at the cup and smiled. 'You know,' he said, interrupting his own speech. 'I spoke here last year. I presented at this same conference, on this same stage. But last year, I was still an undersecretary. I flew here in business class and when I landed, there was someone waiting for me at the airport to take me to my hotel. Upon arriving at my hotel,' he continued, 'there was someone else waiting for me. They had already checked me into the hotel, so they handed me my key and escorted me up to my room.'

'The next morning when I came down, again there was someone waiting for me in the lobby to drive me to this same venue in which we are today. I was taken through a back entrance, shown to the green room and handed some coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup. But this year, as I stand here to speak to you, I am no longer the undersecretary. I flew here coach class and when I arrived at the airport yesterday, there was no one there to meet me. I took a taxi to the hotel, and when I got here, I checked myself in and then I went by myself to the room. This morning I came down to the lobby and caught another taxi to come here. I came in the front door and found my way backstage. Once there, I asked one of the techs if there was any coffee and he pointed to a coffee machine on a table against the wall. So I walked over and poured myself a cup of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup,' he said, as he raised the cup to show the audience. 'It occurs to me,' he continued, 'the ceramic cup they gave me last year was never meant for me at all. It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a Styrofoam cup.'

Not Just Yet

By Dr. Cecil Clements

A couple of weeks back I remember putting off doing something, until the window that I had to do that passed and it was too late. I remember feeling so bad about it – was really upset with myself, angry and all the other emotions that come with knowing that you ought to have done something and didn't do it. Now it was too late.

I came across this article by Rick Warren on "Why Do I Procrastinate?" because basically that's what I did. Interestingly he had a verse from our Holy Book: "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." (James 4:17) Basically, the Bible is saying that if we know that we have to do something and we don't do it, then we're really making a big mistake. It's not something that God would want us to do; that's what sin is. In the article, he gave five reasons for procrastination. I thought that I'd throw these out to see and see if it triggers something in you, because we all tend to procrastinate.

MAKING COURSE CORRECTIONS

by Dr. Cecil Clements (8th January 2013)

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Welcome to the New Year 2013! It’s 8 days into the New Year and as I looked at the days that have gone by, I thought how on the 1st and 2nd, we were so excited about the New Year. 4 or 5 days later, it’s almost business as usual; back to the usual things that happen in our lives. A lot of things haven’t changed – we’re still in the same place, in the same company, we’re still doing the same job, still have the same profile. All that has really changed is that 2012 has given way to 2013.

OVERCOMING DISCOURAGEMENT

Trying to think about what to speak today, a couple of pictures came to mind. I decided to pursue them and see where they were going and I’m going to share that journey with you today. Part of what I do enables me to meet quite a few people, interacting and watching them. The last week or so, I came across a couple of people who looked visibly tired. I was surprised because this was the beginning of the day and we are fresh into a New Tear. It made me curious. They seemed to be enveloped with a sense of discouragement and sadness and other emotions.

I was talking to another friend of mind who came into my office and in the course of the conversation, he said, “I met so and so and he looked so whipped.” I’ve been thinking about that word ‘whipped’ and it seemed to personify someone who didn’t have anything to live for; like he’d taken a beating in life. I thought that sometimes we are enveloped by emotions that, whether we like it or not, seem to come over us and they dictate the way we look at the world after that.

Overcoming Bitterness

I wonder whether you have ever been let down. Even as I ask this question, I know that all of you on this call are nodding your heads and saying "Of course I have. I've been let down many times." And I have too; let down by people that I have trusted or people that I have expected something from, maybe let down by friends who have promised to do something or meet and then not shown up, colleagues who have promised things and then haven't delivered, or even a boss who has promised a promotion which then never came. Closer to home, family members from whom we have expected something and they have not come through.

Beyond The Status Quo

As I was wondering what to share with you on this first Tuesday of the new year, my thoughts went to a story, a true story, but one that comes out of the pages of antiquity; a time when kings ruled and the Babylonian empire was dwindling and the Persians were rising. This story revolves around one man who had close proximity to the king. He was trusted by the king and had the unique task of tasting all the food and drink that was offered to the king. In those days, that was a very noble position because it involved trust.

One day, this particular person who was not a native Persian, got news from his home country that his people were living with a sense of complacency. They had been through difficult times, had been taken into captivity; they had come back and rebuilt some of the city. But he heard that the walls of the city were still not built. When he heard that, he was saddened.

Addressing Denial

I want to talk to you this morning about Denial. I wonder whether you’ve been in denial. I have been many times and sometimes it creeps up upon you and you are not aware of it and other times, something that we willfully do but I think in most cases denial is a problem.

Theologian Walter Brueggemann, tells the story of Toots Shor, a famous New York Salon keeper who died of Cancer. He says, Toot Shor, just few days before he died, told the people around him, “I don’t want to know what I have.” Denial.

Mistakes – learning from them; letting them go

I don’t know how many of you have had experiences with mistakes that you make which  leave you with a terrible feeling like you’ve been hit in the solar plexus? I make them all the time. In fact, one of my more recent ones, not too complicated and with not very disastrous results happened a couple of months ago. My chair had lost one of its casters and you know that a chair like that doesn’t roll very well. So I had various guys come and look at it to fix it. But for this particular chair which was a gift from a couple, we couldn’t get a matching caster. So I called them up and asked where they had got the chair from, so that maybe I could get a replacement caster. They very kindly told me not to worry about it, that they would get it done. And they did. It was such a joy to have that caster back, I could roll around and get the freedom I needed behind my desk.

Ego Management

It’s been a year since we started Corporate CAPsule and I want to take the opportunity to thank each one of you on this call. It’s been a privilege for me to speak to you.

As I was reflecting on what to share with you today, I got caught up by a 3-letter word that sometimes has positive connotations but more often than not, is associated with negative connotations. I don’t know how many of you have heard the expression, ‘He’s getting too big for his boots’ or “he or she has a king-sized ego’ or ‘they think that they are the cat’s whiskers’. All of these sayings have to do with negative thoughts that are going out to a person who has a big ego or seems to trample on other people because of the way they think about themselves.

Dealing with Fear

Today I’d like to talk to you about something that we all deal with at some point or the other in our days, our months or in our lives. Its how do we deal with worry and fear and anxiety? I remember a song that came out many years ago sung by Helen Reddy, ‘Stop the world and let me off, I’m tired of going round and round. I’ve played the game of living life. Just stop the world and let me off.’ And sometimes that’s the way we feel. We feel like we’re between a rock and a hard place, we don’t know how to go ahead, we’re caught on a giant wheel that doesn’t stop and there’s no way we can get off. Somebody, I think it was A.Housemann who said: “I, a stranger and afraid, in a world I never made.” We didn’t make this world, but we are a part of this world and yet we find ourselves confronted by so many things that are beyond us that cause us to be fearful.

Anger

Last week we talked about attitude and how we need to watch our attitude and that attitude is a choice that we have and we control. The previous week we talked about integrity.

This week I’d like to talk about something that a lot of people are talking about and is beginning to be quite an issue especially in work places. It’s the whole question of anger. I remember reading, maybe a month or two back, an elderly couple got pulled out of a vehicle at Khargar because they had parked across a couple of guys riding a bike. They were both beaten very badly. A week or 2 back, we read about a taxi driver who had brushed against another car, the people got out angrily beat him up, took him to Airoli and abandoned him there. All of these incidents of anger we hear about, and realize a lot of people are snapping. There’s behavior that seems to be getting out of control. Maybe you know an office colleague who suddenly snaps at you and portrays behavior that is inconsistent with normal behavior. Or maybe this morning you are dealing with anger. You are an angry person. People in your office walk around you carefully or at home, family members give you a little more space than you really need, or maybe you’ve noticed that laughter dries up when you come on the scene. Maybe you know that you are an angry person, that you’re seething inside but unable to do anything about it. Well, maybe this morning’s talk can help you.

Bitterness

I want to throw out a couple of scenarios this morning and help that to lead into our talk that I believe we need to be concentrating on this morning. Take for example, that someone you trusted has cheated you out of a large sum of money. Or another person got the promotion or raise that you deserved. Or you’ve been unfairly criticized while trying to do your best. Or you have children who continually disappoint you. Or you suffered an ego-deflating setback in your office. Or maybe you’ve discovered that your spouse is having an affair. Or these days it seems that the harder you try, the more things seem to be going wrong. All of these scenarios have one potential. They have the potential to lead you into bitterness. And maybe as you listened to these scenarios or maybe as the word bitterness came out, you thought to yourself – that struck a chord! If it did, I want to ask you to engage with what I’m speaking, because bitterness is a frozen form of latent anger and resentment.