Criticism: Getting it, Giving it

I conducted a Marriage and Finance Seminar last week and at the end of it we had feedback forms that we invited participants to fill in. As I was going through the replies, I felt a sense of anxiety rise within me and wondered why I was feeling like that. Then I realized that it had to do with what I would find in the feedback; what were people saying? Were they good things, were they bad things, could I handle it well? All of this was causing me some anxiety. I thought about that – we invite criticism and it’s good for us. And yet at many levels, in some ways, criticism can be negative, can do harm rather than good, depending on how we receive it and the perspective of the person giving it.

I thought that we could explore criticism because criticism in the workplace is par for the course. If you’re doing anything, you’re opening yourself up to be criticized or to offer criticism. If you’re doing something good, then the chances are that you will be criticized for it or if you are more public or have more responsibilities. So how does one handle criticism? What would be good criticism?

Scott Berkun, author of ‘Confessions of a Public Speaker’ says “Good criticism serves one purpose and that is to give the creator of the work more perspective and help them make their next set of choices.” When we offer the criticism, we give the person a different perspective, a different opinion, another point of view that we hope will help them in the things that they will do in the future. Berkun goes on to say, “Bad criticism uses the opportunity provided by someone else’s work to make the critic feel smart, superior or better about himself, things that have nothing to do with helping the recipient of the critique.”

How do we take criticism? I’m sure that’s something we have all faced and experienced. Dale Galloway in his book ‘On-Purpose Leadership’ says “Be careful how you respond to criticism. One of the key things is: watch your attitude. Don’t get drawn into responding or retaliating to a critique or a criticism.

John Maxwell tells a story about a critical negative barber. A salesman came in for a haircut and described his upcoming trip to Rome. The barber had only unpleasant discouraging things to say about his customer’s airline choice, hotels, destination, and business prospects. And even the man’s dreams of having an audience with the Pope. Two months later, the man returned and said, “It was wonderful! The flight was perfect, the hotel service was excellent, I made a big sale and I even got to meet the Pope.” “What did he say?” said the barber. “Well,” says the salesman, “he placed his hand on my head and said ‘My son, where did you get such a lousy haircut?’”

Dale Galloway says “Be careful that you don’t get drawn into negativity. Don’t get drawn into another person’s negative aspects or a desire to be overly critical. You can choose your response. Too often we allow someone else’s perception to become our reality. And if we don’t handle criticism in the correct way, we become victims, not victors.”

So how do we handle criticism? He offers a couple of suggestions.

1. Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. Look behind the words and see the spirit of the person. Is the individual trying to help and improve or trying to destroy. Bill Hybels who is a pastor of a very large church, about 18 – 20 000, says that he has 4 people that he entrusts in telling him how he has spoken. These are people he trusts and has given them permission to tell him exactly how they felt about his speeches because he knows that they will be constructive and not try to destroy him.
2. Try to understand the source of the criticism. Someone once remarked, “Adverse criticism from a wise man is more to be desired than enthusiastic approval of a fool.” That’s so true! We’d rather get good criticism from somebody who is wise and knowledgeable than get back pats and enthusiastic approval from a fool.
3. See if there is a critical mass of people who would say the same thing. And if they are all on the same page, then it may be worth taking a look at. But if it’s just one person who’s saying something, then maybe that person is just having a bad day. So look at it objectively and if it has merits take it in; if it doesn’t, throw it out.

I love what the Bible says in the book of Proverbs – beautiful sayings of King Solomon. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” “Wounds from a friend can be crusted; but an enemy multiplies kisses.” So open yourself up to good criticism. If there are people around you who you can trust, invite them into your life to speak words that would be critical and yet helpful for you.

Well, that’s from the perspective of getting criticized. But many of us may find ourselves in a position where we need to criticize, where we have to criticize work that is done by colleagues, those who work for us and around us. So how can we offer good positive criticism?

Robert McGarvey and Scott Smith, writing in an article in Nation’s Business, quite a few years ago entitled ‘Criticism without the Sting’ talking of workplace criticism, says that there are a couple of ways that we can offer this kind of criticism.

1. Offer criticism that also sends a positive message. Judith Schuster, independent consultant on human resource matters in Philadelphia, says, “Few of us enjoy hearing how we failed to do our jobs. But if the criticism teaches us to do it a better way, we are likely to improve. Virtually all employees really want to do good work and properly crafted criticism shows them how they can be better at it.” That’s the end that we must allow criticism to lead to: that it enables the person to be better at what they are doing. Michael LeBoeuf, independent management consultant in New Orleans says, “If there’s a rule for effective criticism, it is this: Don’t Attack. If you attack an employee with verbal blows (how could you do this; how could you be so ….. whatever) he becomes defensive and won’t listen. They are busy preparing a rebuttal. They are not going to get your corrective feedback. We ought to criticize the work, never the worker.
2. Offer a growth opportunity. The crux of effective feedback is persuading the employee that you’re trying to be helpful. The person must believe that he’s helped to be better. Implicit in your criticism should be what’s in it for him or her. And the benefit cannot be that you won’t criticize him/her anymore. If you cannot think what the benefit is for the employee, hold your tongue. A sure strategy is always to appeal to the worker’s pride. Say “you’re sure that he is capable of doing even better than they already are”. They like hearing that and they’ll also sincerely want to improve.
3. Don’t dwell on the past. Often in criticizing, managers harp on the past. Jerald Jellison, professor of psychology at University of Southern California says, “We tell the employee over and over, what he or she did wrong. We say ‘why did you do that?’ so much that the superficial meaning that ‘we want to know’ is overwritten by the real meaning of ‘how could you be so stupid?’ “ Instead, he says, be future oriented. Focus on what you expect from the employee in the future. Shift it from what has always happened in the past to what can happen in the future. This shift from negative to positive is what good criticism is all about.
4. Always stick to the facts. Make sure that you have your facts intact. Don’t jump on an employee for what is probably an engineering error when the person is not in charge of engineering. Make sure that you are absolutely sure of what the person has done and how the person needs to improve before you criticize a person.

Criticism is most effective when it is a dialogue with both people contributing rather than a monologue where only one critic talks, says Judy Anderson, a training specialist. Make sure that it doesn’t get to a point where the other person shuts up or clams up or just closes up. It’s not going to lead anywhere. Make sure that it’s a dialogue.

So watch from these two perspectives, my friends. As you get criticism, watch your attitude and how you receive it, from whom you’re receiving it, what kind of a spirit they have. Then as you give criticism, make sure that it is positive, that it moves a person towards better work, towards a better future without dwelling too much on them as a person but on the kind of work that they are giving.

God Bless You All.