Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I FEEL FOR YOU

by Dr. Cecil Clements (21st August 2012)

For those of you who are from Mumbai and have been here for some time, you may remember that in the early 80s, there used to be a festival that happened annually called the Jazz Yatra. This festival held at the Rang Bhavan, drew jazz artists from all over the world. Over 2 or 3 days, they would meet and have a wonderful time of jazz music. In 1980, they decided to put together a 100-boys chorus and I was privileged to be a part of that. We had a wonderful conductor who not only got us to sing well, but also brought us into one unit. The way in which he connected with us was amazing. Years later, reminiscing about that event, I remember saying to someone, “We would have done anything or followed him anywhere.” That was the extent of the connection that he made with us in the span of the 4 or 5 days that we practiced for the event.

John Maxwell says the same thing about Elizabeth Dole, the president of the American Red Cross Association. He says, “I listened to her once on the television, and at the end of her speech, I would have followed her anyway.”

As I thought about that, I thought that was a key aspect of leadership – that we need to be able to touch people’s hearts before we can ask them for their hand. John Maxwell says that as a maxim: “Touch people’s hearts before you ask them for a hand.”

For leadership, that is so important. We need to move from positional leadership that would say, ‘I am your boss and you do what I tell you’ to people doing things because they want to.

In his book, ‘The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership’, he talks about the law of connection. He talks about Sonny Bono who was part of the US House of Representatives, but also somebody who was into show business, wore outrageous clothes and was always the butt of his wife’s jokes. But he knew how to connect with people. When he died, the speaker at that time, Newt Gingrich said at his funeral, “You looked at him and thought to yourself – this can’t be a famous person. He smiled, he said something, then you thought to yourself – this can’t be a serious person. But four jokes and two stories later, you were pouring your heart out to him. He was helping you solve a problem and you began to realize that this was a very hardworking, very thoughtful man, who covered up a great deal of his abilities with his wonderful sense of humor and his desire to make you bigger than him so he could serve you, which would then make it easier for you to do something the two of you needed to do together.”

So well put! He won people over before he enlisted their help. He knew that you had to touch a heart before you could ask for a hand.

Deloitte Company’s Human Resource division put out an article entitled ‘Connecting Across Generations in the Workplace’. They were basically saying that, “today, to connect in the workplace or in the market place is getting extremely difficult. The reason is that typically, you are connecting with 3 generations in the market place. For example you will have people who are born before 1964, mid-40s and upwards, who are working. You have people born between 1965 and 1980, in their mid-30s and upward. And you have people born around 1980, in their early 30s. All 3 generations are different, but as a leader, you have to connect with them to be able to get the best work out of them. The folks who are above 40 have a strong work ethic; the mid-30s balance work and life very well, they want to have both; and the early 30s have a strong base of technology, flexi work timings, able to get a lot of work done without being present in office and stuff like that. Leadership is required to connect across the board everyday with 3 different generations and 3 different attitudes to work. To make that connection is so important for work to get done.

Looking at that, I thought to myself, one needs to take it even one step further because it is not enough for you to connect with people on a base-superficial level. People see through it. They know when you are just trying to say something to get work done. You need to also connect with them at the heart level. You need to connect empathetically with people.

There’s a story that goes like this. A man was walking along a highway and was caught by robbers. They knocked him down, took everything that he had, beat him up and then left him. As he was lying there, a man who was a religious leader came along, saw him but he had business that he had to do. So he just kept going. Then somebody else who worked with the religious leaders passed by. But he too had his own agenda and kept going.

Then a third man came and saw this man bleeding and he stopped and looked at him. All the stuff that he had on himself in case something like this should happen to him, he used on this victim. Then he used his own transport to pick up this man and take him back to a place that would give him care, told the owner of that facility to take care of him. He paid for the care and then promised more money if needed, when he returned.

That’s a story that comes out of our Holy Book written 2000 years ago. But how true it is for our world as well as in our office spaces. We don’t really see people who have been beaten up on a highway, but there are people who are taking a beating all over, maybe relationships, family structure, finances. They come bruised and beaten to work. Then they try to overcome all these difficulties to get the job done. How wonderful it would be if we could look beyond the facades that they put up and reach down and be able to minister to needs. Don’t you think it would make a huge difference in the way they would respond to anything that you would say to them to get work done at the corporate level?

Empathetically listen to them. Do something. See beyond what is visible and try to help. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care – an old adage.

Somebody else said, “To lead yourself, use your head. To lead others, use your heart.” Always touch a person’s heart before you ask him/her for a hand.

I loved this full-page ad that was taken our in USA Today on Boss’ Day in 1994. 16000 employees of South West Airlines took it out for their CEO Herb Kelleher. The ad read like this.

Thanks, Herb:

  • For remembering every one of our names.
  • For supporting the Ronald MacDonald house.
  • For helping load baggage on Thanksgiving.
  • For giving everyone a kiss.
  • For listening
  • For running the only profitable major airline
  • For singing at our holiday party
  • For singing only once a year (tongue in cheek)
  • For letting us wear shorts and sneakers to work
  • For golfing at the LUV Classic with only one club
  • For out-talking Sam Donaldson
  • For riding your Harley-Davidson into South West headquarters.
  • For being a friend, not just a boss.
Happy Boss’ Day from each one of your 16000 employees.

How wonderfully he connected. And as I look at our workplaces, there are diverse kinds of people who we meet every day, who work with us, for us, around us. I think to myself that it would be so good for us to move past that positional stage that we sometimes are at. (I’m your boss; you’ve got to listen to me!) Think and see beyond facades and get people to really want to do anything that we tell them to do. What a difference it would make for the morale of a company.

I hope that gets true in your life and mine.

Let me pray for you. Almighty God, on each one of these precious ones on this call, I ask that you would open our eyes, that we would be able to see today in our office spaces, things that till now we have not noticed – lines of pain on faces, furrowed brows, a limp, a step that doesn’t have joy. Help us to see, help us to reach in, help us to touch people’s hearts and through that, we pray that there would be such great motivations in our work places that all the things that we hoped to achieve, we can achieve because people want to get it done. I pray this as a blessing for each one on this call. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

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