I came across a quote by Shannon Alder that set me thinking. "Relationships with negative people are simply tedious encounters with porcupines. You don't have the remote knowledge how to be close to them without quills being shot in your direction." That's a statement that I read and re-read and then thought, "Wow! You really need to be careful if that is how negativity works itself out that people begin to be wary of you. Unconsciously you are poking people or pushing them away from you because of a negative attitude."
It begged the question – Am I negative? Am I a negative person who has quills out and whom people would avoid? As I talk to you, I can maybe ask the question – Are you? Sometimes we can allow our environment to create who we are, to make us into who we are if we are not careful, if we are not really secure in the kind of people we are or we are prone to having other things shape and mold us. Either that, or we've always been a negative person and then, we might be able to know it. But sometimes if it's the environment or maybe the workplace that has shaped you, then it's something that has happened subtly. It hasn't happened overnight but over a period of time. It could be that you've had people in your team who've been prone to be heavy spenders, who buck the budget every time and you have to rein them in. so, every time they come up with a huge idea, you've had to be the one who had to pull it down and bring it back to a place where you can deal with it. Or maybe you just have people who love to ideate on your team and you felt the need to be ale to be pragmatic, to be able to say "Okay, how can this happen?" rather than let something just get too airy out there.
Either one of these things can sit on you even when these situations have disappeared. Those people may have left the team or you don't have people any more who just talk airy kind of stuff. You've so taken up that negative vein – I've got to put this down and be a little bit more practical – that it's become an essential part of you. That is something that we ought to be careful about. We need to be able to do a reality check every now and then. We don't want to be in a position where we are termed as negative people and people just avoid us or we are people who can poke them if they get too close to us.
I remember this article by Alex Lickerman where he says, "Though we all have negative selves, there seems to be only two basic reasons they appear: one is as a result of a lack of self-confidence, or belief that we can solve a particular problem; the other is simply out of habit." If we look at those two, and we are intent on saying – "I don't want to be a negative person," then we can look at self-confidence and ask ourselves the question, "Do I lack self-confidence?" If that is even around the periphery of the things that you do, or in your mind, then look back at achievements. Look back at goal posts, markers, in your life and celebrate them. Tell yourself that you are not one who lacks self-confidence. "Look at the things that I have done over the past so many years." Recognize for yourself that you are not that kind of person; that you are a self-confident person.
But, if it's been something that has happened out of habit, and again as I said earlier, it could have happened at a particular tenure in your work where you were dealing with particular kinds of people who have left their mark on you. Habits then need to be broken. If often say that the best way to break a habit is to put in a new habit. For example, if I tell you to tie your shoelace and you start doing it, I can continue to talk to you and you can talk to me, because it doesn't require you to focus on tying the laces because you've done it n number of times. But, if I stop you and say, "If you tie your shoelace this time, would you do right over left and then left underneath the right, then pull the right side loop first and then the left." If I then try to have a conversation with you, you're going to probably say to me, "Hang on a second. Repeat that again. Let me tie this properly and then we can carry on the conversation." Because it's something new! But if you've done it for over a month, then we go back and I have a conversation with you, you will be able to continue the conversation because now, this has become a habit.
So, the way to break a habit is to put in a new habit. Maybe today would be a good time to say, "Well, if I really have got into the habit of being negative; if I always come out with a But… if I hear a new idea, and keep thinking why something cannot happen or should not, maybe I'm going down the path of negativity and maybe I've got to do something to break that habit." But, it could also be that in your office, you have people around you who are negative and you've been wondering how to deal with it because it affects team dynamics.
Steve Langerud, Director of Professional Opportunities at DePauw University in Greencastle, Indiana, said, "Often the last person to know that he/she is being negative is the person everyone is talking about. But the employee can't change what he or she doesn't know." That's so true. People who are negative rarely know that they are being negative. So it is incumbent upon those who are in charge, probably you or me, to be able to let them know that they are being negative so that then, they can change. Because often, as Langerud says, they are the last people to know that.
But, even as you think about what I've said, I want to throw out 2 warnings as I close, because this is a huge topic but one that I don't have the time to spend on. Maybe these 2 warnings might be good.
The first is this: To be able to look inward and say: Am I that kind of a person? It could be that all this time you've always thought of yourself as a 'feet on the ground' person. But sometimes it prevents us from flying with ideas and innovations that can take us from the mundane to the sublime. If that's the case, then you need to look at yourself introspectively and see what you need to do to change that about you.
But if it's about somebody else around you in the office space, then you need to be very careful how you approach that person, or let them know that there is something wrong or that they are negative.
Marshall Goldsmith says, "We often use 'honesty' as an excuse for dysfunctional disclosure. But we can be totally honest without engaging in useless negative disclosure. For example, while it is normal to believe that some of our co-workers may be jerks – we have no moral, ethical or legal obligation to share this view with the rest of the world." So we need to be very, very careful how we tell another person or confront another person and say, "Hey! You really need to watch the way you approach things because there's a sense of negativity that you are bringing into the environment." Remember, you and I are responsible for the workplace environments that we are in. so let's create it well.
I want to end with this quote: "Take a cheerful, positive, hardworking employee and put them in a negative work environment, and the work environment will win every time." The onus is on you and me to create a positive work environment.
Can I pray with you? Almighty God. Help us to create those kinds of environments. Help us to be sensitive to people around us. Help us to even look inwardly to our own lives. And if there is need to change, would You help bring that change into our lives. Show us how. If there are words we need to speak to colleagues, co-workers, team members, would You give us the wisdom and discernment to speak words with wisdom and spoken out of care and concern and love. In Jesus' precious name we pray. Amen.
• Shannon Alder quote: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/negativity
• Alex Lickerman, "How to Reduce Negativity," https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201110/how-reduce-negativity
• Steve Langerud quote: http://www.depauw.edu/news-media/latest-news/details/27814/
• Marshall Goldsmith, "Reducing Negativity in the Workplace," https://hbr.org/2007/10/reducing-negativity-in-the-wor
• Janet Smith, "Negativity is Contagious," http://thepowerofgoodwill.com/blog/2009/03/negativity-is-contagious/
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