Confrontations@the Workplace

I remember reading a sociologist's account that the United States, in the early 1960s was considered a 'melting pot', meaning that there were many, many people from different countries all over the world  coming into the US and then coming together as one nation, with one set of values. The melting pot symbolized that. Increasingly, however, these days it's being referred to more as a salad bowl, where people from different countries are coming into the United States and maintaining their own ethnicities.

 

I think that's a good example of the office spaces that we are in. With high attrition rates today, there isn't too much space to develop relationships that are long lasting and for people to mesh together, form real friendships that move in one direction. There's a sense of: "I'm here for a particular time; what's in it for me? How can I contribute to what I am supposed to do here and then when the time is right, move on?" This is more of a 'salad bowl' mentality that is fertile soil for a lot of misunderstandings that are often  not cleared up – maybe an unwarranted memo, a colleague talking behind your back, a directive not followed, somebody else taking credit for what you've done, or you feel you've been slighted. All of these are things that can happen in the context of a working space. Often times, we don't have the ability or the time or the inclination to deal with it. And instead of expressing or processing what's going on, we let it simmer within ourselves. And that normally leads to, on the milder side, irritation, or at the other end of the spectrum, resentment, anger, or sometimes, even outright hatred! These are emotions that are not healthy for anyone.

 

How do we deal with that in the context of an office? The obvious answer is to confront it. Confrontation, in and of itself, is a little bit of a difficult place to be. For some people, it may come easier than others because confrontation, or the ability to confront, has a lot to do with personality types as well. yet, I believe that confrontation must happen. It is something that we ought to do whether we like it or not, whether we feel like it or not ,because it helps to clear the air of some of these debilitating attitudes that we may have.

 

I want to give you something that I read by Angela Smith. She says, "There are 5 things that you need to know when you confront.

 

1.     Give the Person the Benefit of the Doubt.

Don't go in aggressively because it could be that you are completely wrong in the motive that they had for doing what they did. Always go in soft, asking questions and then be able to retreat if you need to.

 

2.     Resist the Urge to Email

Putting things down in an email is not the best thing because it doesn't convey any emotion. However good a writer you may be, however good you are at putting sentences together, they rarely capture emotion. That is something that a face-to-face is better at.

 

3.     Sit Down and Talk

Invite the other person for a chat and explain very clearly what happened; explain your own feelings. Don't in any way be aggressive about it or shout at the other person, but explain just how you felt about the whole thing. For example, "When you made that presentation to the boss the other day, I hear that my contribution was not mentioned. It made me feel like I was left out of the team," rather than "You always leave me out and take the credit." Coming back from words like that is very difficult.

 

4.     Write it Down

Keep a written record of how you handled the situation. It's not always that you escalate things to your supervisor or your boss. There are some things that they expect you to handle yourself. Keep a written note of what happened and how you handled it, so that if it does escalate later, then you have evidence of how you handled it yourself when it happened.

 

5.     Pick Your Battles

There are some things that you just need to let go, like water off a duck's back, have a thick skin, and there are some things that are worth fighting for. So, make sure that you pick your battles.

 

Well, this may, or may not, work for you. Sometimes confrontations turn out positively, and sometimes they turn out negatively. The choice of words, the occasion, the place, all of these have a bearing on how to confront another person. I've often found that to get the best scenario is sometimes way beyond my own capability and my own thinking. I, for one, reach out to the Almighty God and say, "How do I address this particular situation? I know that I need to confront. Will You help me?"

 

Our Scriptures give us wonderful words of affirmation from God. "If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him and He will gladly tell you, for He is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask Him. He will not resent it." Those are wonderful words! Whenever we are wondering how to handle something, not sure of ourselves, not sure how to do it – just lean on God's understanding, who always sees far more than we do, always seeing the big picture.

 

So just a word to you as you navigate through corporate spaces and your own particular space and some of the things that may come up in the 'salad bowl' culture that we are in. Be able to confront, but do it with God's wisdom which is readily available for you.

 

May I pray with you? Almighty God, we are all different personalities and we have different ways of handling things. Yet, in our work spaces, oftentimes there is misunderstanding. There may be anger and resentment. We ask that instead of holding on to these emotions that can hurt us negatively, we pray that You would give us wisdom to know how to confront the issue and the person, so that it can be handled positively. We yield to Your knowledge and understanding, Lord Jesus, and it's in Your name that we pray. Amen.

 

·       Angela Smith, "How to Confront Someone at Work," https://www.themuse.com/advice/can-we-talk-how-to-confront-someone-at-work

·       Scripture James 1:5