In this past month, I've had the experience of being around hospitals and cath labs. And while I've sat and waited for the doctor or cardiologist to come, I would look around at the other people waiting and found that they too go through interesting situations as they wait. What interested me as I looked around was to see how young a lot of them were. Many of them were in their 30s and 40s, and as they were waiting to meet the doctor, they were taking calls, conducting office and personal business. I could overhear an assortment of conversations – some were talking about their investments, giving instructions to their office staff, and so on. The stress level in the waiting room was so high – every one was looking towards the door to see when the doctor would come and it would be their turn so that they could be done with it. All this brought to the fore the amount of stress that we live with and under, even when we are waiting to meet somebody who is going to help us to handle the consequences of that stress.
I was reminded of a study that was done by the Indian Council for Research on International Economic Relations where they found that there's a 57% rise in work-related stress in India. It all comes from the fact that we are in situations that we are unable to take control of or handle, and that begins to work itself out in our bodies. People who understand this, and I'm being very general here given our time constraints, say that it has to do with the mindset that we have. There could be other factors here but one of the things is that we look at life negatively. We allow things that are negative to piggyback on us and take away some of the quality of our life.
I remember somebody saying: "An optimist is one who sees the light at the end of the tunnel; while a pessimist is one who sees the light at the end of the tunnel and thinks that it is a train coming through." Often when we look at situations, we can either see the positive side or the negative. But the negative has a huge impact on the things that we do and on our bodies as well.
As Catherine Pulsifer said, "How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish." If we focus on the negative, it's bound to have a negative effect on us as well. The key to that is to be able to be in some kind of control, to be able to look at a situation and say: I'm not going to look at it negatively. I'm going to look at it positively.
Marilu Henner says, "Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life." To be in control of every situation is the key.
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another," says William James. And that is a key to our understanding, that we need to understand that we can choose not to dwell on a particular thought, and replace that thought with something else. That will give us control that allows us to be on top of a situation and take away negativity and bring in positivity.
Maureen Killoran says, "Stress is not what happens to us; it's our response to what happens and response is something we can choose."
Albert Ellis is the founder of Rational Emotive Therapy. He came out with the ABCs of RET, which are the Activating Agent, the Belief system and the resulting Consequences. Don Colbert took that and he outlined it a little simpler so that lay people like you and me, who don't have a background in psychology, can also understand it. I've used this many times in my life and it has helped me. So I will put it out to you very quickly. Google it and read it in greater depth.
The ABCDE of Handling Situations:
· A – Activating event
· B - distorted Belief
· C – the emotional Consequence
· D – Disputing the irrational thought
· E – Exchanging the irrational thinking with rational thoughts and behavior.
Let me give you an example. I'm sitting in my office and I have an 11 o'clock appointment with somebody. The way I handle an appointment is that at 11 o'clock, I will clear everything on my desk and I'm ready for that person to walk in. then I realize that it is past the time and the person hasn't shown up. That's the activating event. Now the belief comes in and this is the point where it can get distorted. I think about it and I say, "I'm going to be having a meeting with this person every week, and if this is going to be the case, then I'm dealing with a perpetual late-comer." That's the distorted belief – that I'm dealing with a perpetual latecomer. This leads me to the emotional consequence – I'm irritated. And if it carries on to 11:10 or 11:15, then I'm getting angry. Once that begins to take place, then it is affecting me. That's the cause for more and more stress in my life.
Then we move to D, which is to dispute the irrational thought. What is the irrational thought? That I'm dealing with a perpetual latecomer. Is that really true? It need not necessarily be true. The reason – at 11 o'clock, for any newcomer to come here and find parking is extremely difficult. So it could be that he's been here from 11 o'clock, going round and round, trying to find parking. Is that possible? Yes, it is. So that irrational thought, that I'm dealing with a perpetual latecomer, has been taken away. Then finally we come to E – exchange the irrational thinking with rational thought and behavior. So then I say to myself, "Okay, it is possible that he's having problems with parking." What do I do? I need to now switch gears – carry on with my work and think to myself – when he finally comes and gives me the reason, then I will respond to it. But not before. I will not assume anything about it. So I go back to work and as soon as I go back to work, I've taken control of the situation and immediately my angst and my stress levels have come down.
I've used this so many times in situations and it's really helped me to move away from worrying and getting caught up with anger and irritation and saying – Okay, when the situation comes and presents itself, then I will make a true assessment of it and have a belief that is also true.
I may have shared this with you before, but I love this poem:
Said the robin to the sparrow,
"I should really like to know,
Why these anxious human beings
Rush about and worry so."
Said the sparrow to the robin,
"Friend I think that it must be,
That they have no Heavenly Father,
Such as cares for you and me."
Friends, in our Scriptures, God says over and over again to us, "Don't worry! Look at the birds of the air. They don't sow; they don't reap or gather into barns. Yet, your Heavenly Father feeds them." Then He asks this question: "Are you not worth much more than them? so why worry. Can worrying add a single day to your life?" no. In fact, it takes away days and hours from our lives. As Corrie ten Boom, an Auschwitz survivor in Nazi-occupied Germany, said, "Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow; it empties today of strength." How true! When we worry, we are losing strength and perspective in the day. We're focusing on the negative, which is causing and yet our Heavenly Father, Almighty God says, "Don't worry!" we have coping skills as Albert Ellis and Don Colbert have helped us – the ABCDE that we can apply. My hope is that you will apply this in your life.
May I pray with you? Almighty God, bless each person on this call. Help us to have abilities and skills to go through each day and to know and recognize negative thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts, to take control of situations, not go down rabbit trails and find it affecting our bodies and increasing stress levels. Above all, help us to trust you and to know that You see the big picture and that you invite us to go through life without worrying. Help us not to worry. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
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