Perfectionism - A Blessing Or Curse?

There used to be a time when perfectionism, or the desire to be perfect, was looked upon as a good quality to possess. But increasingly, as with everything that can be good, it has been taken to a point where it isn't productive anymore and, in a lot of cases, is beginning to be unhealthy.

Michael Sandel, professor at Harvard University, says, "High levels of perfectionism are associated with vulnerability to problems in life, proving that there is a bad side to being too good." Then he goes on to say, "It comes out of a desire to be so perfect that it is causing more damage than good."

I don't know about you but I think it's a good thing to strive to be good and to excel. Yet, the more I read about this subject, I think we need to be able to find a balance in the things that we do, so we don't take perfectionism to the point where it is being looked on as a psychopathology. Psychologists are now saying, "To be a perfectionist is to be one who is driven by fear of failure, a fear of making mistakes and a fear of disapproval."  As Dr. Adrian Furnham says, "They can easily self-destruct in a vicious cycle of their own making." What is that cycle? Set unreachable goals à fail to reach them à become depressed and lethargic à have less energy and a deep sense of failure à get lower self-esteem and high self-blame." That's a cycle worth avoiding.

 

So thinking about perfectionism, I would like to amplify it a little bit so that we understand what is the good part of it and what is the not so good part of it, so that we can be careful in the things that we do. There's a multi-dimensional, or a spectrum view to perfectionism where we hold neurotic perfectionism at one end and non-perfectionism at the other. But somewhere in the middle is normal healthy perfectionism which is characterized by high standards, high levels of organization, and a striving for excellence.

So what would normal perfectionists look like? They would be ones who derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labors of a painstaking effort and who'll feel free to be less precise as the situation permits. Normal perfectionists tend to enhance their self-esteem, rejoice in their skills, and appreciate a job well done. But neurotic perfectionists, on the other hand, are never satisfied with anything they do. In their eyes, their best efforts are never good enough. While normal perfectionists are able to take their foot off the gas when the situation arises, ease off the driven-ness, and have a very healthy view of themselves, neurotic perfectionists seem to always want to do better and better and it robs them of the satisfaction that might ordinarily accompany a good achievement.  As psychologist Hamchek would say of them, "…in their own eyes, they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of satisfaction."

But at the other end of the spectrum lie the 'non-perfectionists'. These are relaxed, easy-going, fun people who are so laid back that they are completely disorganized, unreliable and even lazy. Non-perfectionists are very accepting, making few demands on themselves or others, and a personality type that can obviously have positive and negative aspects. Psychologist Linda Silverman says, "Perfectionism is a two-edged sword with a potential to propel someone either to unparalleled greatness or to the depths of despair."

So we need to be very careful on how we understand the term perfectionism. I want to offer you a good differentiation or delineation between what would be unhealthy perfectionism and what would be healthy perfectionism. David Stoop put together this chart in which he says, "Unhealthy perfectionism, on the one hand, would have these characteristics:

·       Idealistic,

·       Striving for the impossible,

·       Driven by fear of failure,

·       Product-minded,

·       Having to be the very best,

·       View life as a threat,

·       Unable to take any criticism

·       Dwelling on mistakes

·       Valuation of self by what they do.

Healthy perfectionism, on the other hand, would have these traits:

·       Realistic

·       Strive for the doable with effort

·       Anticipate success

·       Are process-minded

·       Want to do their very best

·       View life as a challenge

·       Welcome criticism

·       Learn from mistakes

·       Value self for who they are, rather than what they do.

In work that I've done earlier, I've always said that this is what characterizes a person of excellence – to have a healthy view of themselves and a healthy view of perfectionism. I was going through different articles on perfectionism, and came across this one in Huffington Post entitled "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out Of Control." It made for interesting reading because the author, Carolyn Gregoire says, "These are signs that you are heading for the deep end:

·       Always eager to please

·       Driven to perfection that is hurting you

·       Being a procrastinator – because when you think you can't achieve something, then you back off.

·       Highly critical of others

·       You either go big or go home – don't like to find a middle ground.

·       Have a hard time opening up to other people and so on.

Reflecting on all this, I thought we really need to be very careful about striving after perfection, if it ends up being in the unhealthy category.  We need to understand it in its right context. As psychologist Brené Brown comments on its unhealthy aspects: "Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence or healthy striving. It's a way of thinking and feeling that says this: 'If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment.'" Her remedy is, "Be authentic! Let others see you exactly as you are. Don't let perfectionism be a shield. Even be vulnerable. Authenticity is a practice that you choose every day – sometimes every hour of the day."

So, just a word to the wise: be careful in wanting to be a perfectionist.  Make sure it ends up in productive outcomes without diminishing who you are, while yet making sure that it's your best effort.  Unhealthy perfectionism can lead to serious pathological disorders that we don't want to be dealing with.  How do we avoid this?  I think if we offer all our work as an offering to the Almighty God who, has Himself endowed us with the ability to do all things well, we would be well placed.  If we do that, we won't have to worry about being neurotically perfect, because when we look to give things that are the best that we can to the Almighty God, they're always good and healthy offerings.

So friends, stay healthy, go after perfectionism in a healthy manner, and avoid all neurotic, unhealthy behaviours. 

May I pray with you? Almighty God, give us the wisdom to understand the difference between what is good, healthy and productive against what is poor, unhealthy and destructive.  And help us to lay our work on your altar as an acceptable, excellent and first-rate offering unto You.  In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

Endnotes:

•       Hamchek, Don. "Psychodynamics of Normal and Neurotic Perfectionism." Psychology 15 (1978).

•       Winter, Richard. Perfecting Ourselves to Death: The Pursuit of Excellence and the Perils of Perfectionism. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2005.

•       Furnham, Adrian, "Curse of Perfectionism," https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201402/the-curse-perfectionism

•       Carolyn Gregoire, "14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out Of Control," http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/why-perfectionism-is-ruin_n_4212069.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in

•       Brené Brown, "Overcoming Perfectionism, "http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/29/brene-brown-daring-greatly-perfectionism-oprah_n_3468501.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in